April 2, 2001

C.U. Takes the Rap

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Early next month Eninem will be coming to Cornell, but not to promote his Grammy award-winning rap album.

In a press conference Saturday, rap kings Marshall Mathers, a.k.a. “Slim Shady,” and Andre Young a.k.a. “Dr. Dre” jointly announced they would embark on a college tour, which will include Cornell University, to help improve campus race relations and discourage race-motivated bias and hatred.

The artists explained that Cornell would be visited, among other schools, partly due to Student Assembly initiatives to abolish minority representation, along with other tensions endemic to Cornell dating back to the Willard Straight Hall Takeover of 1969, they claimed.

Addressing university diversity officers nationwide, Dre expressed his frustration with campus officials and their insufficient affirmative action policies, “What’s the difference between me and you?” Dre addressed reporters at the conference at Interscope Record’s Los Angeles office.

He followed, “you talk a good one, but you don’t do what you’re supposed to do.”

Instead, Eminem and Dre hope to use their cross-racial friendship and Dre’s mentoring role as a model for interracial cooperation. “I don’t write black music, I don’t write white music, I write fight music [to combat racism and violence],” said Eminem.

University officials at Cornell welcomed the planned visit, bringing musicians who can relate closely to campus drug and alcohol culture.

Vice President for University Relations Henrik N. Dullea explained why they hoped the rappers would be so well received, “I guess there’s a slim shady in all of us.”

EDITOR’S NOTE: April Fools! We got you this time. This story is not real.

Archived article by Yoni Levine