So, apparently we’re not terribly influential. Go figure. But, if it’s powerful people you’re looking for, we’ve got ’em all on pages 7 and 16. That’s right, kids, it’s time to learn the names of the top 25 Most Influential Cornellians. An annual tradition. An institution. If you’re not on the list, but feel you should be, don’t cry. It just means we don’t care about you. But of course, we don’t want to overlook the overlooked. So here’s the 5 Least Influential Cornellians:
5) That kid in the back of the lecture hall whose always trying to slowly and discretely open a bag of potato chips.
4) The beatbox kid in the a capella group who walks around making percussive sounds with his mouth. Boom chicka boom.
3) Nate Brown.
2) That girl in the stacks making call after call on her cell phone. Like, um, that’s so annoying.
And the Absolutely Least Influential Cornellian is …
1) That kid whose here “for football.”
Disclaimer (because football players are bigger and stronger than us): we are not saying football players in general, who we genuinely respect, but rather those football players who would proclaim that the sole reason for being at Cornell is “for football.”
See you next semester. Happy holidays!
Archived article by Ben Kupstas