Fall's Eugoogoly

By wpengine | December 6, 2002

So another semester is drawing to a close, and it’s time to honor (or dishonor) the teams, players, and events from the Cornell athletic community that made statements this fall. But it seems as though my fellow Assistant Sports Editor, Scott Jones, handed out his own awards in yesterday’s paper, forcing me to get creative.

With apologies to Bill Simmons, who made giving awards based on movie quotes fashionable, I present to you the fall semester according to Zoolander. Ladies and gentlemen, here is my eugoogoly for the fall semester of Cornell athletics…

“That Hansel’s so hot right now.”

Ready for this one? It’s the men’s basketball team, which is absolutely better than it was last year and worth seeing. In fact, head coach Steve Donahue — who’s a hell of a coach if you ask me — and his troops are playing up I-81 tonight at Syracuse. I recommend you make the trip. I sure will be at the Carrier Dome. Men’s basketball … so hot right now. Men’s basketball.

“The center has to be at least … three times bigger than this!”

You’d think senior wide receiver Keith Ferguson, who stands a mere 5-9, 149 pounds wouldn’t be able to accomplish much on the football field. You’d think he’d have to be at least three times bigger. But then you’d be wrong. Ferguson reeled in 70 passes for 852 yards, giving him 202 career catches and 2,569 career receiving yards. Those numbers are good enough to place the diminutive receiver at the top of the all-time Cornell lists. In addition, he became just the seventh Ivy receiver in history to record over 200 receptions. And did I mention he gives great quotes? We’ll miss Ferg down here at The Sun.

“I guess you can dere-lick … my balls, capitan.”

Harvard killed the Red in football. The men’s soccer team could only manage a tie against the Crimson. The Cornell field hockey team couldn’t even score against Harvard. Neither could the women’s soccer team or the women’s hockey team. The volleyball team lost twice to those pompous bastards. But the men’s hockey team made Hah-vahd look like chumps, and dammit, the icers are going to do it again. So Harvard, I guess you can dere-lick my balls, because that’s the sport that really matters around here.

“Listen to your friend Billy Zane. He’s a cool dude. He’s trying to help you out.”

Note to the presidents of the Ivy League schools: Listen to your student-athletes. They’re trying to help you out. This seven-week rule that you’re imposing on your athletes, the one that’s supposed to encourage athletes to participate in other activities, is only going to interfere with their training. That’s it. Student-athletes aren’t going to go take their extra seven weeks and join an a cappella group. They’ll just train on their own, without supervision. It sets the progress of Ivy teams back when compared to other programs, and it’s totally ineffective in what it’s trying to accomplish.

“Okay, what’s a while, like eight days? More?”

“Try a couple of years.”

“Oh, snap!”

Speaking of not scoring in a while … how about the non-conference opponents of the women’s soccer team? Eight regular-season non-conference games, eight shutouts for the lady booters. It took until the playoffs for a non-Ivy opponent to finally put one in the Cornell cage. So my question for those opponents who couldn’t score is … ‘How do you live?’

“In the computer! It’s so simple!”

It would be pretty simple to just let fans of Cornell athletics to turn on their computers and listen to the Internet broadcasts of events. But of course Cornell doesn’t like to make things simple. So now, if people want to listen to the audio of, say, a hockey or football game, it’ll cost them six bucks a month. Aside from athletes’ parents, alumni are the biggest audience for Internet broadcasts, and guess who’ll be a little peeved about having to shell out money for something that used to be free? The alumni, who might just be irked enough to withhold more than the equivalent of six dollars a month in donations.

“You’re Derek Zoolander! Yeah, you’re Derek Zoolander. You know what it’s like to be another model and be in Derek Zoolander’s shadow? You wanna hear something crazy? Your work in the winter ’95 International Male catalog made me want to be a model. I freakin’ worship you, man!”

This quote is dedicated to the men’s hockey team and my request to join the team on the ice for just 15 minutes of a practice this year. I’m not talking about the “Skate with the Red” thing that’s happening next week. I’m talking about a practice, full pads and all. Hell, I’ll even put on the goalie pads if the team needs someone to replace David LeNeveu in net during practice (as long as Doug Murray tones down the slap shot). Just 15 minutes, that’s all I ask. I promise I’ll try not to make myself look like too big a fool. I freakin’ worship you!

Well, that’s all I have for you. Thanks for reading, have a great break, and I’ll see you in January. Until then, as Hansel said, “peace, God bless.”

Archived article by Alex Fineman

Lehman Named 11th President

By wpengine December 15, 2002

Jeffrey S. Lehman ’77, currently the dean of the University of Michigan Law School, will assume the presidency of Cornell University. The Board of Trustees announced the selection Saturday during a press conference. Lehman, who was unanimously chosen by the Presidential Search Committee, will take office on July 1, 2003. He is the first Cornell alumnus to assume the presidency. “Cornell University has never been far from my heart, and I am just humbled and awed and thrilled,” Lehman said at the press conference. President Hunter R. Rawlings III and members of the Board of Trustees and the search committee were equally enthusiastic. “I feel great confidence that he’s going to be a superb president,” said Rawlings, who will join the classics department as a full-time faculty member after his term ends on June 30. “As [a faculty member] I will look to our president with great respect.” As dean of the University of Michigan Law School, Lehman entered the radar of the national media when he was a named defendant in the case of Grutter v. Bollinger, which challenge the affirmative action policies at Michigan. The Supreme Court’s March decision will have an effect on admissions policies nationwide. According to Edwin H. Morgens ’63, chair of the search committee and member of the Board of Trustees, a commitment to diversity was an important quality sought in Cornell’s next president. “We tried very hard not to be colorblind but rather to cue to the very priorities which [Lehman] articulated very well,” Morgens said. He said that of the three finalists, there was a woman and a minority. “It was clear, however, that the person for the job was a white male,” he said, emphasizing Lehman’s qualifications. Yet Lehman is no stranger to diversity issues. He antici0pates spending “a quarter to a half of my time” on the Supreme Court case in the next three months, he said. He stressed that a priority will be to spend time with the press in order to explain the Michigan’s defense of affirmative action. “This is complex stuff,” he said. As for its outcome, Lehman said, “I suspect that the Supreme Court will uphold” affirmative action and “reaffirm” its current position. The qualities sought by the search committee, according to Morgens, were several. He indicated that the 19 members searched for someone with “an unblemished record of integrity,” curiosity, and “clear leadership skills coupled with an ability to make decisions, which is not always true of academics.” In addition, this person would have to be an “able fundraiser,” passionate and “just plain smart.” “I believe that Cornell’s president must nourish a culture of greatness. Everyone who is part of Cornell must hunger to leave a legacy of enduring inquiry,” Lehman said at a luncheon Saturday, addressing administrators, trustees, student leaders, and Ithaca officials. Also present were presidents emeriti Frank H.T. Rhodes and Dale Corson, who was president while Lehman was an undergraduate. Lehman listed information science and computing technology, postgenomic life sciences, nanotechnology, the boundaries between races and religions around the world, and the boundaries between local and global societies as points of a “conversation … that must be sustained by everyone at Cornell.” Lehman, 46, who received his undergraduate degree in mathematics, is connected to the University in more ways than one: his father Leonard graduated in 1949 and his son, Jacob, is currently a freshman. Lehman sent an e-mail Saturday morning to students and faculty of the University of Michigan Law School notifying them of his impending departure. Rawlings announced his resignation from the presidency on March 15. In April, the Presidential Search Committee was formed; its 19 members and two advisors consisted of 13 trustees, two students, one University employee, three Ithaca campus faculty members, one faculty member from Weill Medical College and one administrator. Seven members were women and 12 were male. Soon after the search committee sent 200,000 pieces of mail sent to alumni requesting suggestions for the next president. He said the committee received approximately 1,000 responses. The committee held open forums with students, faculty and employees throughout the year and interviewed approximately 30 senior members of the administration to get further suggestions. At this time, the committee also drafted “The Cornell Opportunity,” a document which outlined the responsibilities and desired qualities of Cornell’s next president. The initial nomination list had 500 names, narrowed down to 100, then 35 who were interviewed individually at their place of employment, then 12 who underwent further background checks, and finally three. Morgens said that the committee divided this group into sitting presidents, rising provosts and “superstar deans.” The latter category, he said, was not paid any particular attention. However, he said, “Jeffrey Lehman simply would not go away,” and the “superstar dean” was considered among the three finalists for president. “Of course it would be easy, it would be right and proper for me to tell you that I was six feet, eight inches tall,” he said in reference to Rawlings’ six-foot, seven-inch stature and the increasing height of successive Cornell presidents. But Lehman was content to say that after “137 years of [intellectual] giants … it is our shared duty to stand on their shoulders and see farther.” WHAT WAS PRESIDENT-ELECT JEFF LEHMAN’S FAVORITE CLASS AT CORNELL? LOOK FOR OUR CONTINUED COVERAGE IN AN EXTRA EDITION ON MONDAY. Archived article by Andy Guess
Alumnus recalls fond memories

By wpengine December 15, 2002

Before Jeffrey S. Lehman ’77 became the president elect of Cornell University and the current dean of the Michigan Law School, he was a Monopoly whiz. As a Cornell sophomore in 1975, Lehman wrote a book titled 1000 Ways to Win Monopoly Games. He co-authored the book with fellow student Jay Walker, who lived across the hall from him freshman year in Class of ’17 Hall. They frequently played the Parker Brothers board game with other dorm residents and later began entering tournaments. A publishing company approached them with a request that they write a book about Monopoly, and the two friends spent winter break in Walker’s fraternity house, working diligently to complete the book in just five weeks. Lehman recalled “the intense commitment that was required to produce a manuscript in such a short period of time. What was amazing,” he said, “was I felt like that’s the sort of thing an undergraduate is supposed to do at Cornell.” Today, Lehman’s expertise surrounds the American welfare state. He has published 22 articles and numerous opinion pieces on the subject. And as dean of the Michigan Law School, he has demonstrated a commitment to educational diversity by defending the law school’s affirmative action admissions policy in front of the Supreme Court. Lehman will bring that commitment to Cornell, which “in its very essence is meant to be a diverse institution, where people from every walk of life, from every set of background experiences that one can have, come together to pursue instruction in any study,” he said. “And what I think I will bring to Cornell is the experience of, for the past five years, having worked to articulate those values in a different context.” “Jeff established an extraordinary record of achievement during his nine years as dean of one of our nation’s outstanding law schools,” said Edwin H. Morgens, Cornell trustee and chair of the presidential search committee in a statement. “He is a distinguished scholar, whose research addresses a wide range of issues at the intersection of law and public policy — from higher education finance to corporate taxation to welfare reform.” “Jeff has such a good grasp of the essentials of higher education policy,” President Hunter R. Rawlings III said. “The transition, I think, will be a smooth and easy one.” Lehman is also the first Cornell alumnus to serve as president. “Cornell has never been far from my heart,” he said. “By the time you graduate, Cornell is in every cell of your being.” The University might be in his genes, anyway: Lehman is the second of three Cornell generations. “His father attended Cornell and graduated from it, his son Jacob is a freshman at Cornell, so he has the added advantage of a deep familiarity with this place, and also a love and passion for it that come out in everything he says when he speaks of Cornell,” Rawlings said. Lehman’s parents, Leonard, a 1949 Cornell graduate, and Imogene, were in Ithaca Saturday to celebrate their son’s appointment. Lehman will assume the presidency on July 1, 2003. He expects the first months to be a period of continued learning at Cornell. “For the past 26 years, I have been studying Cornell from a distance. The next six months will be a time when I will have the opportunity to study Cornell up close,” he said, “