The Daze Rant

By wpengine | March 18, 2004

Who took my shoe?

A month ago, I returned to my room, and, reaching for one of my favorite pairs of shoes, found that I was in possession of only one. One. I have searched every inch of my room and my house, but nary a shoe has been found.

What the fuck?

Now, I’ll concede that I can be a bit careless. But this is a shoe we are talking about. It is attached to my foot. I generally leave my room with two shoes on, and return with two shoes on. Along the way, if my shoe were too slip off, I would probably notice the cold earth or hard, dirty floor underneath my naked foot.

And yes, I enjoy the occasionally foray into binge drinking like most of my peers. But let’s be honest, I would have to be pretty goddamn shit-rocked to lose my shoe and forget about it.

This is a paradox that I can scarcely fathom. One shoe missing, one shoe present. Perhaps if both were missing, I could accept the loss and move on with my life. But I only have one goddamn shoe! The joke is up and this isn’t funny any more. Who steals one shoe? What are you going to do with it? Do you have a shoe fetish? Are you some sick kleptomaniac who steals for the sheer thrill of the sport rather than necessity or function. The shoe, by itself, is completely useless. The two of them are complements, for God’s sake. All that I can say is, congratulations, because if you aim was to fuck with my head, then you have succeeded admirably.

This is absurd.

Really, I hope that you’re happy, because my foot is now frostbitten, blistered, and bleeding from stepping unprotected on the broken glass, shards of aluminum, and used syringes that litter Libe Slope. For the past week, I have suffered from chills and hallucinations of being well-liked and good-looking. It was awful! I went to Gannett the other day and was diagnosed with hepatitis, tetanus, small pox, and dysentery.

Well, okay, that was a lie. Except for the bit about dysentery of course. But I’m learning to cope. The suppositories are great, and if I remain within spitting distance of a toilet, I’m golden. Besides, Gannett could never diagnose something so complex. And if they did, they would give me some arcane antibiotic and I would probably die. Like the time I had a throat infection and they gave me Penicillin. Wow, a century of medical advancement, and you give me Penicillin. Thanks guys. After your careful and calculated care, I actually got worse, until I medicated MYSELF and got better. What does my tuition pay you for again?

But back to my shoe. What if that was my only pair of shoes? I’d be up the proverbial creek without the proverbial paddle, now wouldn’t I? Just because I happen to have other pairs of shoes does not excuse your callous and sadistic behavior. Why can’t you just bring it back already? Can’t you see the damage you’ve done?

This is my final plea. I am offering a reward, whose terms and stipulations will be discussed at a later date, for the return of my shoe and the perpetrator so that I can beat him with it.

Know that I will find you, shoe thief, and when I do, I’ll probably meekly suggest that you give it back. If we meet, please don’t hurt me or be too mean.

Archived article by Zach Jones

Spring Break Plans Go Unfulfilled

By wpengine March 19, 2004

Today, I was supposed to start off my Spring Break by getting in my car and driving to Albany to cover the ECAC championships with my fellow Sunnies. We had it all mapped out — the driving arrangements, the accommodations — everything. The men’s hockey team was supposed to play Dartmouth in the semifinals for a chance to play the winner of the Colgate-Harvard game tomorrow night. This was supposed to be Cornell’s chance at repeating as conference champions and at making it to a third consecutive NCAA tournament. But none of that’s happening because of two of the worst performances I’ve seen put forth by a Cornell team during my four years here on the East Hill. The season wasn’t supposed to end that way. I almost could have accepted defeat in Albany. Almost. But to have the season end at Lynah Rink? What about the “Thank you, seniors” chants? What about hopping onto the ice to congratulate the players on a job well done? During head coach Mike Schafer’s ’86 tenure at Cornell, his teams have been known for their tough defense and strong work ethic. Sure, Schafer’s teams haven’t always been the most talented, and at times, have been downright anemic on the offensive end. And this was just one of those years, when the offense, despite generating a ton of scoring chances, had a hard time finding the back of the net against teams not named Princeton. But regardless of the opponent or the score, you could always count on a yeoman-like effort on the ice, whether it be finishing off checks, forechecking, or winning the battles along the boards. Cornell definitely suffered its fair share of setbacks during the course of the season, including disappointing results against Western Michigan, Mercyhurst, Bowling Green, Ohio State and a rough stretch in the middle of its conference slate. But you could never say that Cornell was simply outworked. That is, until last Saturday and Sunday. After the Red dismantled Clarkson on Friday night, I was almost positive the series was over. It was, “Albany, here I come.” Unfortunately, the Red was probably thinking the same thing. How is it possible that a team that allowed an average of less than two goals a game give up 10 in two nights? And how did Clarkson manage to net three goals in a period in consecutive games against a Cornell defense that had only let that happen one other time this year? Shorthanded goals, poor power play execution, numerous odd-man rushes? What the heck went on? Quite simply, Cornell didn’t show up. Maybe it was the absence of injured senior captain Ryan Vesce. Maybe it was overconfidence after the first game. I just don’t know. All I know is that Clarkson broke my heart and ended Cornell’s season by “out-Cornell-ing” Cornell. Of course, there is hope for the future. Freshman netminder David McKee, showed that goalies from Texas can be pretty darn good. When the trio of sophomores Matt Moulson and Shane Hynes and freshman Byron Bitz played together on a line, they were one of the best I saw all season. Chris and Cam Abbott still have that sixth sense for each other, while vets like juniors Mike Iggulden, Mike Knoepfli, Charlie Cook, and Jeremy Downs will have one extra year under their belts. And how about freshman Mitch Carefoot, who scored two big goals during the playoff series? Meanwhile, fellow rookie Mark McCutcheon, who I contend has the best natural instincts of any player on the team, went from a skinny kid who could be blown over by a gust of wind to a guy looking for some rough stuff by season’s end. Just give the kid a summer and watch out. For all the promise the future holds, I’m still looking for something to do this first weekend of Spring Break … *** I’d like to take this opportunity to extend my condolences to the family and friends of fallen men’s lacrosse player George Boiardi ’04. I never knew George, but like many others on this campus, am shocked and saddened by his sudden and tragic passing. As a writer and then as an editor for The Sun, I’ve had the privilege to interact with many athletes and coaches during my four years at Cornell. As such, I understand the hard work and sacrifice that our student-athletes put forth year round not only to represent themselves and their respective teams, but to represent all Cornellians. Thanks George … we know you’re in a better place. — Alex Ip is formerly the Sun Sports Editor. In Your Cup will appear every other Friday this semester. Alex can be contacted at [email protected] article by Alex Ip
Dragon Day Burns Up Campus

By wpengine March 19, 2004

The dragon made its annual emergence from behind Rand Hall yesterday, charging down East Avenue towards the engineering quad before turning around and meeting a fiery death in the arts quad. Escorting the dragon on its journey were hundreds of architecture upperclassmen dressed as cowboys, building blocks, crayons and more, who lead the way beating on makeshift drums and amusing a crowd estimated in the several thousands. The upperclassmen started congregating behind Rand well before noon, as the first-year architecture students were putting the final touches on the beast that has now become one of Cornell’s most cherished traditions. Each year, since the 1950s, first-year architecture students have planned and built a giant dragon float. The event is a mix of team building and technical prowess, as well as a presentation to the rest of the University what a group of fifty determined architects can do with a limited amount of time, money and sleep. William Erhard III ’08, president of this year’s Dragon Days Affairs, said that most of the students involved went without any sleep last night in final preparation for today’s festivities. Shortly before 1 p.m., a moment of silence was held for George Boiardi ’04, who was killed yesterday in a lacrosse accident. The dragon then began making its way through the campus, lumbering on a car chassis and the backs of about fifty students. Spectators chanted “Dragon, Dragon” as it slowly rolled from the curb onto the street. A police escort cut off traffic along the dragon’s path and protected bystanders from two giant claws which extended from the beast. The sides of the street were packed as students, faculty and visitors tried to get a good glimpse of the dragon. A few students, too eager for a good look, were swiped, harmlessly, to the side by the claws. Upon reaching the College of Engineering, the dragon and its entourage paused to glare through the glass windows of Duffield Hall. In recent years, engineering students have built a phoenix to counter the dragon, but this year the engineers failed to answer the dragon’s call, and the school’s faculty looked on helplessly as the dragon paraded before them, its thick cardboard and tarp scales deflecting a barrage of snowballs thrown by bitter engineers. Passing Olin Hall, another group of engineers attempted to delay the dragon with a volley of pre-made snowballs, but most of these fell short. When asked for comment, one of the attackers said only, “Archies suck! Engineers forever!” before fleeing the indomitable lizard that was fast approaching his position. Near the entrance to Ho Plaza, a small symbolic phoenix with a duck-taped face, built by the architecture students themselves, stood paralyzed as the dragon trapezed onto the arts quad. Jack Schwartz ’07 felt that the unfolding drama was quite a spectacle. “This is like Halloween on crack,” she said. Indeed, with all the architects in costume and Dragon Security showing a strong presence, replete with riot masks, the day’s festivities could well appear to an outside observer to be a lawless Halloween celebration. Between the careful planning of Dragon Affairs and close coordination with CUPD and Dragon Security, however, the day went through without any reported injuries, aside from the few miscreants who ineffectively threw snowballs in a vain attempt at stopping or even slowing the inevitable. As the dragon reached its destination in the toilet-papered arts quad, the upperclassmen began again beating their drums and shouting vociferations not appropriate for a family paper. Those present then circled the dragon and a collective chant of “burn the dragon!” began. The freshman students, triumphant at having passed one of their toughest challenges with flying colors, left the dragon and ran around its limp body. By 1:41 p.m., all students had left the float and the creature was set alight, under close supervision by local firefighters. By 1:45 the creature was ash, leaving only the steel skeleton behind. Andrew Gaydo ’06 felt that this was as it should be. “It went up in five minutes — fun for the whole family.” Bill Barksdale ’05 agreed with these sentiments, saying that he felt this year’s dragon was more impressive then last year’s and that it had drawn a larger crowd. “The dragon was very dragon-like and it burned. That’s the best part,” he said. Erhard, too, was pleased with the day’s turnout. “I imagined it would be wild but it was so much more wild than I could possibly have thought,” he said. He also lauded the crew of students who put the dragon together. Many had pulled multiple all-nighters throughout the week to get the float finished in time for the event. “They all really put their heart and soul into this,” he said. Brian Beeners, the Dragon Affairs faculty advisor since 1987, also praised the crew. “They have had very little time compared to previous years,” he said. “It’s a rush, really a marathon building session.” Despite all the time pressure, however, Beeners felt that the team’s work was excellent and that the day was a success. “I’m very pleased with how it all went,” he said. “Today is a day for architecture students.” Beeners also said that he was happy with the direction that Dragon Day was taking, with less of the violence and antagonism amongst students which had marked previous years. “It’s not like the old times,” he said, citing the decline in pranks and more serious dangers — such as bricks and frozen vegetables being thrown at the dragon, occasionally injuring the students inside. “We want it to be a family-friendly and fun venue,” he added. Although the architects supplied their own phoenix, many present were surprised that the engineers failed to build their own bird, which for the past several years has rivaled the dragon in scope and spectacle. Jennifer Saksa ’04, who was president of the now-defunct Phoenix Society, said that several factors caused the traditional phoenix to lie dormant. “A couple of things go wrong and it all falls apart,” she said. Even after scrambling for a new faculty advisor, the society had trouble securing a place to build the bird. She also said that the University’s indifference to the society hampered efforts to get the construction moving. Finally, Saksa said that interest amongst students waxed and waned, and getting consistent numbers for the labor-intensive project was difficult. “Engineers were working too hard this year to build a phoenix,” said engineering student James Maxwell ’07. “The Phoenix Society comes and goes through the years,” said Beener, “I think that we will see them rise again from the ashes.” Until that day, however, the dragon reigns supreme.Archived article by Michael MorisySun Staff Writer