September 9, 2004

Campus Couture

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We know you’ve got a lot to say, so why not tell the world by emblazoning your favorite saying on your chest? On your T-shirt, that is. Girls, just don’t get upset when you notice your guy friends staring shamelessly at your chest … they’re just reading your t-shirt! We know you love’em, so here’s a guide to the best ones around.

Mrs. Timberlake

Can someone say wannabe? Though this is the slightly less racier version of the ‘I did Justin 3 times’ shirt, it is still pathetic and makes us want to cry. We’re just guessing, but sporting this shirt is probably not the best way to land the former N”Syncer, or any other guy for that matter. No girl past puberty should actually be seen in public with this desperate attempt at attention. And did you see Cameron Diaz in Charlie”s Angels? She could totally beat you up.

Great Hands

Maybe this is a reference to your latest manicure, but we”re thinking that something else is going on. It”s possible we”ve just got dirty minds, but we can”t stop thinking about … manual dexterity. Looks like all the hours of clicking your mouse have paid off.

Poor Label Whore

Label whores? At Cornell? Sorry, better try another school. Seriously though, this one speaks for itself.

Everyone Loves a Frat Guy

Whether you”re in Sigma Nu or Sigma Pi, you can wear this shirt with pride, because you know the girls dig you. From your one-too-many games-of-beirut beer gut to your endless wardrobe of letter-adorned paraphernalia, you do the Greek system proud. We just can”t get enough, so it”s a good thing there are so many of you trolling the parties, looking for a random hook-up. So wear this shirt with pride, frat boys, because WE LOVE YOU. (And if you”re reading this, why haven’t you called me?)


Girls, beware of the boy wearing this shirt. You may think he’s interested, but he’s really just distracting you while his buddy moves in on your hot friend. To all of the wingmen out there, we appreciate that you are willing to help a friend out, but don’t bother. We’re not interested in you, either.

I Got Laid Yesterday

Since you”ll tell all your friends anyway, why not just broadcast it to the whole world — and save us all the trouble of hearing it from them. It”s not like we don’t think you’re sketchy already. Besides, it”ll save you the trouble of dumping whoever-she-is later.

Archived article by Wendi Kane and Katie Azzaro