Attention guys of Cornell University: a widespread epidemic of atrocious attire has broken out on campus. After hitting the party circuit this past weekend, it has come to our attention that there is a dire need for some emergency fashion intervention. On your next visit to Dino’s, we ask you to ditch the dowdy duds and channel your inner Brad Pitt. While it’s not clothes that make the man, they sure as hell can help. Put a little more effort into your routine this weekend and you’ll see the difference it makes. We assure you that while this may be a scary endeavor into the unknown world of fashion, you’ll come out of it looking like a champ.
Casual Guy
Rolling out of bed in your PJ’s for that 9 a.m. class is perfectly understandable, but if you wear that tattered t-shirt and sweatpants out at night, the only bed you’ll be sleeping in is yours – alone. A simple, modern look can be easily achieved by throwing on a well-fitted t-shirt and zip up jacket. This requires minimal effort and can be nicely accomplished by wearing a cool accessory like the A&F leather bracelet (it looks manlier than it sounds). Please refrain from wearing a skintight shirt unless you are a bouncer at a club (and even then we cringe). Also, wife-beaters or shirts sporting sex slogans aren’t going to get you any. Trust us.
Sporty Guy
Derek Jeter is your idol and we realize that, but save your jersey for the series. If you insist on dressing like David Beckham, you can do it without looking like you just came off the field. A long-sleeved rugby polo is undeniably hot and doesn’t threaten your reputation as the macho man of Monday night football. This get-up can be worn to Ruloff’s or even while playing Madden with the boys. Wear sneakers if you want, but on the condition that they don’t look like they were run over by a zamboni. We recommend some solid colored Pumas or Lacostes for a sleeker, nighttime look. Don’t wear anything neon, you’ll remind us of a parking attendant flagging fans into the stadium. You don’t want to be sitting on the sidelines while the other team scores.
Dressy Guy
There’s nothing hotter than a guy who isn’t afraid to dress up, but looking like a car salesman at a party is a guaranteed way to send girls running. To achieve the sexy sense of style that will bring you from ugly to studly, a solid black sports coat or blazer over any striped dress shirt is essential. Wear this with dark, stonewashed jeans for a more casual and less Wall Street appearance. Our unofficial men’s fashion guru, Lucian Leahu (grad), suggests finishing the ensemble off with a classic Skagen watch that gives you that “non-Euro-trashy-Euro-look.” Avoid tucking your shirt in; you might be mistaken for someone’s dad. Even more horrifying is defiling the look with a huge silver or gold chain necklace. This isn’t The Godfather and you aren’t Pacino.
Any Guy
Even if you are dressed to impress, we’ll run if you smell like a sweaty locker room or a cheap French whore. Wearing a “come hither” cologne will help you avoid this situation and grab any girl’s attention. Some sexy choices are Armani’s Acqua Di Gio, A&F Fierce and Paco Rabanne Excess. These are by far the hottest colognes we have come across and are sure to make you stand out in the line for a drink. They’ll swarm like moths to a flame, we promise.
Archived article by Maria Panagopulos and Joanna Dicostanzo
Sun Contributors