Keep them coming to firstname.lastname@example.org. Every Thursday in the Sun.
Overtired Dining Hall Employee: [brandishing corndog] I dub thee … the CORNIEST mothafucka around!
— Appel Commons
Girl: But my baby’s a rat and it keeps running away.
— Outside Rand
Guy talking to his math homework: How many ways is it possible to do this wrong? … Oh, you’re going to be a parabola now? Well, fuck you!
— Duffield Hall
[Talking about House, MD]
Guy 1: Wait, who said that?
Guy 2: The Mormon guy.
Guy 1: Huh?
Girl 1: The black guy.
Guy 1: Ohhh … wait, blacks can be Mormons??
Girl: I wonder who donated Libe Slope. Like who is this Libe family?
— Ho Plaza
Prospective Cornell Student [looking at clocktower]: Mom, take a picture!
Dad: Honey, it’s like Hogwarts.
— Central Campus
Dapper Dude: That girl is totally NOT what I need in my life right now.
Girl: You don’t need a hot girl who loves you? Are you stupid?
Dapper Dude: It’s just that …
Girl: It’s just that what? You don’t like the cookies she makes you? The sex? Her mom?
Dapper Dude: [sighs] Fine, I’ll stay with her.
Girl: [seriously] Thank you.
Sorority girl: Should I knick it with a needle … or will that make it worse?
— On phone with dad
Trashy-looking Drunk Girl: [yelling] I don’t care about all of you. I don’t need you! [pause] Guys? Sarah, I was totally kidding about your boyfriend. We never hooked up last month. It was a mistake, I swear! I didn’t mean to.
— Eddy Street
Nondescript Girl: You gotta knock him out, he shouldn’t be driving.
— Eng. Quad
Nature Girl: [trying to identify an animal in the grass] It has fur …
City Boy: Is it a frog?!
— Outside The Statler
Pregnant Jogger: [on cell phone] We’re totally going on a booze cruise tonight.
— The Mall, Washington DC
Guy 1: If you’re happy and you know it … clap your … [clapping hands]
Guy 2: If you were happy and you knew it, you wouldn’t be sitting here eating a nasty sandwich that YOU MADE FOR YOURSELF. You’d have a girl, dude.
— Ivy Room