This article appeared in the 2007 edition of the annual Halloween joke issue. The content below was intended for entertainment and parody purposes only and is not true. Happy Halloween!
In a shocking announcement last night, the creators of America’s number one selling adult entertainment series, Girls Gone Wild, declared the popular Collegetown bar Dino’s as “The Wildest Bar in America.”
After a short stop in Ithaca last Wednesday, the filmmakers, on a quest to find the raunchiest bar in the country, opened up shop at Dino’s ushering in record numbers of patrons for a night that will live in infamy as the University’s craziest party.
“I’ve never seen so many out of control kids,” said Adam Moon, a visiting student from the University of Georgia, a school known for its wild party atmosphere. “I always thought Ivy Leaguers were probably a bunch of bookworm pansies that would rather play Halo than get drunk at a bar full of topless girls, but they sure proved me wrong.”
With over 400 students packed into the tiny bar, Dino’s became an instant sleaze fest when 50 year old cameraman and registered sex offender Rick Stanley ’79 called action on the set. There was no stopping the undeniably eager coeds.
“Wow! I just. Wow! This is the ideal place to shoot this movie. There are so many girls I can’t even catch all the action… they’ll do just about anything for a T-shirt,” said Stanley.
Over the course of two hours, the bar completely sold out of alcohol. When the announcement was made by bartender James Morgan, riots ensued and the Ithaca Police Department was called to bring order to the chaos.
Morgan, who has worked at bars across the country at top party schools including Arizona State University and West Virginia University, said, “Cornell has got to be by far the best party school I’ve ever been to. These kids sure know how to have a good Read More