Thanks for a great semester! It’s been great exposing the real Cornell with all of your help. Email [email protected], and I’ll be back again in January.
Guy with accent getting worked up: Man, Thanksgiving is so stupid. It’s like, like, celebrating mass genocide. It’s like, in the future, if in 500 years people were having George W. Bush dinner.
—Libe Café
Naked, pant-less boy: I was going to draw a face on your whiteboard and put a magnum condom in its mouth, but then I realized I needed pants for that. I get the best ideas when I’m not wearing pants.
—Dorm Hallway
Guy on phone [heated argument]: Yeah, well, the pocket protector built the Brooklyn Bridge!
—West Campus
Drunk Girl: You know I didn’t feel good tonight.
Girl helping her walk: Yeah?
Drunk Girl: So, like, I decided to do some drugs so that I’d feel better, but I still don’t feel good.
—Collegtown
Boy: It did snow yesterday.
Girl: I counted 5 snowflakes; Jason counted 6.
Boy: Well he’s taller so he could see the ones higher up.
— Olin Hall
Boy 1: Girls can get, like, anything they want … I think it’s evolution. … A bunch of guys would go for this one cave chick, and she could just pick whoever she wants — be like, “I want to re-create you.”
Boy 2: Yeah, I think there’s some truth in that.
—Martha’s in MVR
Engineer 1: I don’t know about bidets. I don’t think I’d like water up my ass, and I’d rather use toilet paper.
Engineer 2: But think of the friction, man, the friction!
—Baker Lab
Guy hawking socialist paper: What do you think of our double standard of supporting and deposing dictators?
Guy in suit: Umm, it’s cool, I guess.
Guy hawking socialist paper: What do you think we should do about it?
Guy in suit: Drink more beer!
—Cornell
Really Angry Promiscuous Girl: [talking about the walk of the shame] Why can’t he, like, come over to my place sometimes and fuck me there?!
—In front of Hot Truck
Girl 1: So do you think people can be like allergic to water?
Girl 2: They’re probably just, like, allergic to stuff in water …
Girl 3: Yeah, ’cause people are like 20 percent water. If you were allergic you’d, like, implode!
—Terrace
Guy: You’re so pretty.
Girl: I’m sooo wasted.
—Outside Ruloff’s
Guy with Northface jacket and 1/3 turned baseball cap: Dude, I got the fucking illest sweatshirt from J Crew.
Other Guy with Northface and backwards baseball cap: From Black Friday?
First Guy: No, dude, from J Crew!
—Ag Quad
Girl: I was totally having eye-sex with that guy.
Guy: That sounds like something Apple manufactures.
—Cornell
Girl: I totally have a nice butt and Thanksgiving didn’t even ruin it.
— Bryant Ave
Sorority Girl #1: I can’t wait for rush this year!
Sorority Girl #2: I know! Last year, it was seriously the hardest decision of my life!
Sorority Girl #1: Oh, I know! For me too. I cried on my couch for, like, 3 hours!
— Central Campus