Best Trends
Seriously over-worn, and only dubiously practical, the ankle boot is nevertheless irresistibly adorable. Seen rarely on Cornell campus but plastered in every magazine that even mentions the word ‘fashion’. They look surprisingly great with everything from skinny jeans to sweater dresses.
Scarves are awesome, especially in the artic temperatures of upstate New York. Pashminas are a personal favorite (the wide cotton-fringed ones that almost everyone owns in multiple colors). The look great worn in any number of ways — and they keep you warm! Who could ask for anything more?
Big kudos/round of applause, etc., to whomever decided to bring back the dress. Who doesn’t feel pretty in a flowy dress or warm and cozy in the sweater-ized winter version? Resident Ithacans like ourselves should probably elect the latter option. Particularly noteworthy is the babydoll dress. For girls they are the easiest fake out ever: comfortable and easy to put on, but always an eye catcher. For guys — legs. Lots of them. Like, 16 per dress (or that’s how it feels anyway). Plus, they give grossly over-worn leggings and boots (ugh — uggs!) a purpose in the winter.
No longer are you allowed to wear giant leather belts resembling nothing so much as corsets (or less flatteringly — saddles). Now you have to wear skinny belts, which cinch in the waist and add to an outfit without overpowering it or causing random passerby to grab a lasso and yell ‘giddy-up.’
Do I detect a winter theme in these best-ofs? For sure! Ithacans unite! Oversized sweaters look cute, and feel great (and who over heard of that?). They are especially super with skinny jeans. Add long chain necklaces for a really super-trendy ensemble.
Worst Trends
Shirts Worn as Dresses
Just like leggings are not pants, so are shirts not dresses. We don’t want to see it—keep the junk in the trunk, please. And we know it can be confusing sometimes when you go into a store and a shirt falls into the mystery category — is it a shirt? Is it a dress? Who knows? — so we suggest always take the safer route… and if it hits anywhere in the unmentionable zone, it is a shirt.
Crocs
These originated in 2006 but are going strong in 2007 with supposedly cutesy versions sporting ribbons, straps and classic flat imitations. Crocs are ugly. No matter how many ribbons you stuff through the holes. You should never wear them.
Platforms
We know that the Spice Girls are back, but let’s take our chunky shoes a little sparingly, please.
Celebrity Designers
50 Cent. Jessica Simpson. Sarah Jessica Parker. Stay away. That’s all we have to say.
Hot pants
Let’s get something straight: booty shorts that barely cover your behind, even when camouflaged with leggings or tights, are still booty shorts that barely cover your behind. In other words: T-R-A-S-H-Y. Not to mention, booty shorts in bright colors with bright colored leggings… did we miss something, or is this a Richard Simmons video?
Most Scandalous Scandals
1. Jamie Lynn’s Pregnancy
Okay, okay, so we don’t deny that a 16-year-old pregnant girl is a BFD (big f*cking deal). We recognize the irony in Britney-no-I-did-not-sleep-with-Justin-even-though-I-lived-with-him-Spear’s little sis’ getting a bun in her oven. But regardless, why do we care? Jamie Lynn? Not exactly famous. Not exactly interesting. Not exactly (dare we even say it) pretty. So then why is she the only thing gossip mags of all kinds can talk about? And isn’t all the publicity (and the money she’ll wrack up when MTV gives her a show) just encouraging this type of stupid behavior?
2. Amy Winehouse
Somebody needs to go back to rehab. ’Nuff said.
3. Senator Larry Craig and the “Misconstrued” Bathroom Stall Fondling
I mean, c’mon everyone. If he says it was a misunderstanding, then maybe it was! What if maybe he was just reaching under that stall, going for some toilet paper, accidentally connected with something else … no? Even when it comes from a hypocritical, openly anti-gay, 62-year-old GOP senator, who on the side was also a member of a Republican Senator barbershop quartet? Still not funny? Oh. Okay then.
4. Dumbledore Was Gay — The Whole Time! We Swear!
That’s right: after the last book of everyone’s favorite series ended, J.K. Rowling announced, in answer to a question concerning Dumbledore’s love life, that the old eccentric wizard was, in fact, gay. While we fully support everyone’s sexuality, be them animal, vegetable and/or fictional character, we have to wonder if this was maybe an after-the-fact decision. Honestly, the thought of him with anyone seems weird. Either way, Spongebob is probably grateful there is someone besides Patrick to join him in the ranks.
Most Craziest Products
1. Air Native N7
Meant to ameliorate growing obesity rates among Native Americans, “the Nike Air Native N7 is designed with a larger fit for the distinct foot shape of Native Americans, and has a culturally specific look,” since “[t]he average shoe width of men and women measured was three width sizes larger than the standard Nike shoe,” according to Nike research. I mean … wow.
2. Hostess-Brand 100-Calorie Packs
Coming in three varieties: chocolate cake with chocolate icing, golden cake with chocolate icing and carrot cake with cream cheese icing, the world of delusional “healthy snacking” has finally influenced the maker of Twinkees. Imagine what they’ll think of next!
3. Rock Band
Listen, we know this one might draw us a lot of flack, but it’s like, just start a real band already!
4. Kindle
The death of the printed book is upon us, or so Amazon.com wants us to think. At the tail end of 2007, the popular website launched a product promising to revolutionize the world more than Gutenberg’s printing press and sliced bread combined. In the next fifty years, will Kindle Klubs replace book clubs?
5. iPhone
And when we describe this product as “ridiculous,” we mean “ridiculously awesome/secretly want one for ourselves … once the price drops below two c-notes.” What is ridiculous, however, is the fact that you have to put your face so near the touch screen. Facial oil and sensitive electronics just don’t mix.