Keep them coming to firstname.lastname@example.org. Thursdays.
Guy #1: I thought I was having a heart attack, but it turned out to be just gas.
Guy #2: What!?! How can you mistake gas for that?
Guy #1: Well, I had never had gas before, how was I supposed to know?!?!
— Party above Chapter House
Foreign Guy #1: Tell him the cheese will go bad if he doesn’t use it soon.
Foreign Guy #2 [on cell phone]: (Unknown language spoken)
Foreign Guy #1: Well, that’s what happens when you stick your feet in it!
— Outside Uris Library
Rich girl on cell phone: Oh, my god! I just realized, he’s not being stylish, he’s just poor!
— TCAT bus on Central Campus
Sorority Girl #1: How would you do your name if you, like, married someone with the same last name, like Mahoney?
Sorority Girl #2: OMG, I dunno. I guess you would be, like, Mahoney-Mahoney.
Sorority Girl #1: OMG, that’d be, like, completely weird.
Girl #1: Man, I don’t want to hear you say “I don’t ever get any action!” for like a month.
Hungover Girl: But it was gay man action!
Girl #1: And a girl.
Hungover Girl: Oh, right.
Girl: That’s what your Animagus would be! Some sort of rodent.
Boy: Yours would be a…[points to crotch and flaps arms]
Both: Vag bat!
— North Campus
Female C.U. Employee [answers phone, frowns, then, testily]: Who is this?….What did you eat for breakfast?….You ate nothing?…Baklava?…Do you love this?…When it is finished, I make it again. [repeat for 5 minutes].
Sorority Girl: Where did I get this reputation from…
Fraternity Dude: I hear you put out more than a McDonald’s Drive-Thru.
Sorority Girl: There are NOT one billion served.
— Ken Blanchard Leadership Seminar
Girl talking on cell phone: They don’t pay you for your blood, do they? I think they take it for free.
Artsy Guy [to artsy girl]: So, was it good, or was it KOWABUNGA good?!?
— Green Dragon Cafe
Fraternity Guy 1: Can you pick me up a light bulb while you’re out?
Fraternity Guy 2: What type?
Fraternity Guy 1: The small glass type.
— Arts Quad
Girl: I hate it when others say it’s not a real relationship until it’s on Facebook.
Guy [on phone]: Where are you? Were you in this room? It smells like you in here.
— Thermo Office hours
Guy: I’d hate to die by drowning.
Girl: Drowning’s actually not that bad, I’ve heard.
— North Campus