Keep ’em coming. Send in submissions to [email protected]. Every Thursday.
Guy with Heavy Indian Accent: She came to me for some physical lovin’ and I gave it to her… what’s wrong with that?
— Rockefeller Hall
Professor in Vikings Class: The local lord was able to coordinate communities whether he was rich or held lands or his daddy was Angelina Jolie.
— Olin 165
Sorority Girl 1: I think I’ll dump my boyfriend and marry the couch.
Sorority Girl 2: Only if you name your first-born “potato.”
— Cornell
Obnoxious Jock: So Tony got home and passed out in Amanda’s bed. Then he peed on Amanda. Then the dog came in and peed on Amanda. Then the dog got grossed out and booted on Amanda.
— Trillium
Frat Boy: [during some kind of interview] If you could go anywhere on vacation right now, where would you go?
Sorority Girl: If I could go anywhere on vacation right now, I’d probably go some place warm… wait… there’s, like, nowhere warm this time of year!
— Olin Café
Sorority Girl 1: Let’s have a carnie mixer.
Sorority Girl 2: Where do carnies sleep?
Sorority Girl 3: In the Ferris wheel?
Frat Boy: No that’s where they bang out.
Sorority Girl 3: Then it must be in the Gravitron.
— Cornell
Girl 1: Oh my god, it’s so pretty!
Girl 2: Yeah, that fish had NO idea it was going to be in a Power Point.
— Olin Hall
Boy: I forgot how much I hate wearing Under Armour pants.
Girl: Why? Because it bunches up?
Boy: That’s not what’s bunching up…
Girl: Oh. OH…
— Outside Kennedy
Drunk Girl: [after being introduced to a New Zealand exchange student] I have a friend from Atlanta; that’s basically New Zealand.
— Cornell
Girl 1: You know how I feel about my panties.
Girl 2: They’re better off in your purse?
— Ivy Room
Scrawny Guy: It’s like Ronald Wang in high school.
Girl: I don’t know what that is. But haha for his name being “Wang.”
— E. Seneca St.
Math Support Center Tutor: [to confused Calc student] This is easy! What don’t you understand?!?!
Other Tutor: Uh, you’re kind of yelling.
First Tutor: I know, it’s just… people have been coming in and asking me the same questions all day!
— Cornell
Female Professor: [to male professor] We were going to make it a family trip, but then decided against it because we were worried someone would steal our son — seriously.
— Chapter House
Angry Dining Hall Goer: Lite mayo is like the devil’s sauce! Get rid of it!
— Dining Hall