November 20, 2008

What's a Little Butt Sniffing Between Friends?

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In a hopeless, melting world with a collapsing economy, in which oil is becoming more and more scarce, where you can’t get a sandwich after 2 a.m., LiLo and SamRo can’t get married and you always have three prelims, a term paper and a presentation in one week, we have found salvation. While perusing Gawker’s usual tales of fallen Wall Street tycoons and their rundown on the life and times of Paul Rudd, we discovered something magical and wonderfully elegant in its simplicity. We will now share this phenomenon with you:
A 24-hour puppy cam? You might be asking, how can it be? Well truthfully, we don’t know. We don’t know who they are, or where they are, or what infinitely generous individual brought these seven precious Shiba Inu puppy babies into our world.
R: Look at that one’s foot! Look at it!
But we do know that wherever they are, whoever they are, these silly little furry puppy bundles have given us a profound sense of the way the world should be. We mean, wouldn’t it be fantastical to just forget your sorrows and fall asleep in a pile of your greatest friends? You could sniff what you want, eat what you want, hump whom you want, pass out, twitch a little, wake up and do it all over again?
R: That one woke up! They’re all awake!
Beyond providing the obvious wonderment of spending countless hours staring at a pile of happy little love muffins —
R: Oh they’re all asleep again.
— watching the puppy cam has offered us some much needed wisdom as well.
Puppies don’t fear rejection, the perception of neediness or putting themselves out there to be loved unconditionally. Puppies don’t act aloof in hopes you won’t realize how much they care. Puppies don’t wait five days to text you after you hook up.
R: We can’t write that …
Nor do they drunkenly tell you they love you at their wine tour and then pretend they don’t know you when you run into them the next morning in their bed.
R: Did that really happen?
R: All the characters are fictional.
When a puppy is interested in you, you’ll know it. The only games a puppy will play involve tennis balls and squeaky toys and their own tails. And puppies aren’t greedy. They share their balls and toys and tails with everyone, and you can bet if puppies ran the world the stock market wouldn’t be where it is now.
R: Right, it wouldn’t exist.
Puppies aren’t self-conscious either. They don’t diet or watch their weight and never fear falling asleep on their backs with their legs open, exposed to the world. And they don’t get drunk and hook up with randos to feel better about themselves. Most importantly, puppies aren’t afraid of tomorrow and don’t linger on yesterday.
R: Wow, that’s beautiful.
If they get bitten, kicked or stepped on, all they require is a minute or two for reconciliation and they forget anything happened in the first place. And everyone moves on.
After a semester spent witnessing friends hooking up with other friends’ boyfriends, people lying to each other and talking behind each other’s backs, people missing opportunities out of fear of getting hurt, and more girls with low self esteem than Zach Braff ever filmed topless by the banana stand, it’s so nice to watch a group of furry friends who can support each other, lean on each other in hard times and who aren’t afraid to show how much, and how unconditionally, they all love each other.
R: I love you, R.
R: …Oh.
And while we watch and smile and learn from their wisdom, we gain a little relief from our deep longing for our dearest friends back home. Kobe and Fudge, we miss you like the desert misses rain. So if you’re missing a furry friend of your own, or you’re just tired, bored, hungry, procrastinating and Entourage doesn’t start for another 24 minutes, pay our new friends at a visit. Maybe the energy crisis won’t seem so crisis-y and it won’t matter so much that you’re not gonna graduate, again. Or maybe you’ll learn how to love yourself, even if you don’t deserve it.