Last Call — Uggs Still Are NOT OK

So much has happened since we last conversed! I got kicked out of Girl Talk’s dressing room for drinking all of his beer (I NEVER DRINK BEER), some of you got on stage (where you might have made out with him) and, out of nowhere, there has even been an April snow flurry. Now the lack of real springtime weather may be getting you down (If so, I’m with you — did I mention I got kicked out of somewhere for drinking beer?), but let’s take a moment to think of the upcoming events that we have to be excited for: Slope Day, spring formals, sangria at CTB and for the class of 2009 — graduation! Now you may be waiting for me to give you a how-to on dressing for each of these occasions, but you are going to have to check the archives on this one; it’s almost time for me to go and I’m thinking instead that a few more general last words of wisdom are in order.
So if you’ve paid any attention to this column over the years, you’re well aware of my disapproval of Uggs (if you winced as you read this line — I have taught you well and am beaming with pride!) However, I sadly have to admit that I just saw some girl walking around campus with leggings, a pink Vera Bradley bag and Uggs. I think she might have been testing me or maybe it was an early good-bye joke, but either way her Uggs were reinvented: they were folded over. Now let me just explain one thing, reinventing your Uggs and folding them over looks even worse than if they were just regular Uggs. One, you look like you are wearing elf shoes. Secondly, if you have any junk in your trunk it looks even bigger and not usually in a positive way; the fold over messes up your proportions, it makes your ankle look skinnier and your thighs/rear-end look exaggeratedly larger. Lastly, I should never have seen Uggs around campus today, it isn’t snowing and it isn’t yet time for flip-flops — buy boat shoes, ballet flats or Vans! None of those require laces either, if you were thinking of using that as an excuse! And no, again, it is NOT cold enough if you were about to try that excuse.
Speaking of the cold: other than staying away from the fugly slippers that I won’t dare mention again, I’d advise that in your upcoming years at Cornell (or if you’re graduating and moving somewhere just as cold and snowy as Ithaca) that you always have back up jeans, pants and shoes. Why? Snow marks! Many people have used day jeans and shoes with snow marks to wear to class, do errands and to have a drink. All of which are okay, but when going out to a nice dinner or to a small gathering, don’t look like the slob — take out your unstained apparel and plan for transportation that will minimize exposure to the damaging weather. Just because they are Tory Burch ballet flats does not mean that they can be worn to dinner a wine and cheese tasting.
Color is fun and a great way to add character and pizzazz to one’s outfit. Every year fashion forecasters identify a color of the year, but to be well dressed and presentable you don’t need to always to wear the It color — it can be too cliché. American Apparel has made a fortune off this idea. So if you find the right shoes or great clutch don’t be afraid to buy it in color! Black isn’t always the way to go and solid colors, no matter how vibrant or exciting, will always come back into style — if they ever even go out. Also, buy cardigans and sweaters that are colorful, they can add a huge improvement to a simple outfit for class and the library.
So even after my time of critiques and complaints a la Ithaca has passed, it is still important to me that you stay warm (hypothermia is never in fashion). So when choosing a coat this summer, remember to find something unique and something you love. I have seen some interesting collars around campus this year and great lining. Look for something that will go with a variety of colors but find something different or make something different. If you love a solid black coat, find vintage buttons to replace the existing ones. Add your own touch.
Lastly, and possibly one of the most touchy subjects, is sorority and fraternity apparel and accessories. Although it is great to have pride for your friends and chosen sisters and brothers, it is important not to lose your individuality. Free clothes are fun and sweatshirts are comfortable and typically very college, but it is important to limit the number of articles you wear. You might not realize it but you become an advertisement.
So please, print this out, be original and don’t fail me while I’m gone!
Make Martin proud!