Dear Cornell Boozers and Frat Stars,
Week after week, I answer your call, spicing up your blackouts and making your lives sexier by providing you with wild alternatives to the holy frat water known as Keystone. However, I’m sure many of you ask yourselves: What exactly qualifies me to be the Master of Mixology? Besides my good looks, brief bartender training and fratty liver, the answer would be nothing. Until now.
A friend of mine put it best when he said, “Let me get this straight: An American of Serbian descent is working at a Canadian-themed bar in France?” That’s right, ladies and gentlemen. Yours truly is now officially a bartender in Paris, the City of Lights … at a Canadian bar. I’ve taken a little detour from my French cultural immersion in order to put my alcoholic concoctions to the test … and get paid for it. Bam. At the same time, I’m learning all about our northern neighbors and their drinking habits. Although I can’t observe them in their natural habitat, the wilderness of Paris is good enough. We may think of Canada as the land of moose (Mooses? Meese? Moosi?), funny accents and occasional lameness, but one thing is for sure: These people can drink. With the Vancouver Olympics closing this weekend, there’s no better way to celebrate than with the following collection of creations inspired by the crazy Canucks who frequent my bar.
8 oz. Canadian whiskey
4 tbsp. maple syrup
If there’s one thing Canadians and Cornellians can agree upon, it’s hockey. And drinking. So let’s combine the two with some Stanley Cup shooters. In a shaker filled with ice, mix whiskey with maple syrup. Shake well and pour into shot glasses. Sprinkle brown sugar on top. Serves four. Slap shot.
2 oz. Amaretto
2 oz. Canadian whiskey
While America was busy killing off its native populations and forcing them off their land, Canada decided to name some cocktails in their honor. How Canadian. Combine Amaretto and whiskey in a highball glass filled with ice. Fill with Sprite. Top with grenadine for color and flavor. As the Eskimo saying goes, “May you have warmth in your igloo, oil in your lamp and alcohol in your blood.”
2 oz. Bourbon
1/2 oz. maple syrup
1/2 oz lemon juice
Without maple syrup, there would be no happiness. Without maple trees, there would be no maple syrup. Without maple leaves, maples trees just woudn’t be maple trees. And without the maple leaf, Canada wouldn’t exist. Thus, Canada is the provider of world happiness. Shake bourbon, maple syrup and lemon juice together in a shaker filled with ice. Strain into a cocktail glass. Garnish with a touch of maple syrup on top.
One of my Canadian patrons told me a joke today. It went a little something like this:
A Canadian bloke is walking down the street with
a case of beer under his arm. His friend, Robin,
stops him and asks, “Hey Tim! Whatcha got that
case of beer for?”
“Well, I got it for my wife, you see?” answers Tim.
“Wow,” exclaims Robin. “Great trade.”
Original Author: Milos Balac