August 17, 2010

O-Week Horoscopes

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Leo (July 22 — August 22): Lately, you haven’t been feeling overly confident. This feeling should go away by Friday and you will be back to your loveable, narcissistic self in no time.

Virgo (August 23 — September 22): You can’t change destiny, Virgo. But apparently, you can change the past — Thanks for screwing with our heads some more Stephen Hawking.

Libra (September 22 — October 22): Lately, you’ve been walking on sunshine. By next week, you’ll be back to trudging through rain.

Scorpio (October 23 — November 21): This week, you will find people tip-toeing around you. This is either because you are cranky or they found out about your Mafia connections.

Sagittarius (November 22 — December 21): For your entire life, you thought the “O” in ‘love’ stood for “The only one I see.” But for you, it really means “Ought to find someone else.”

Capricorn (December 22 — January 19): This week, you will be readjusting to a new environment. While the food isn’t just like your babysitter made it, I’m sure the day care center can make PB&J just fine.

Aquarius (January 20 — February 18): This week, you will discover that all you need is a tank of gas and a head full of dreams to make it. Aww, who am I kidding? You need your parent’s credit card, so go get it!

Pisces (February 19 — March 20): Lately, you have been making all the right choices in your life. Your parents have asked me to tell you to keep up the good work and that you better not screw up!

Aries (March 21 — April 19): This week, you will discover that you are at a crossroads. Not to put too much pressure on you, but if you make the wrong choice, you will be banned from Taco Bell forever.

Taurus (April 20 — May 20): This week, you will be saddened by the fact that you will not be getting a key to your city just because you beat your enemy’s high score at Pac Man.

Gemini (May 21 — June 20): Lately, you feel like you can’t trust people. This feeling will only intensify when you have your wallet stolen.

Cancer (June 21 — July 22):This week, you are happy and you know it. But if you’re happy and you know it and your really wan to show it, clap your hands.RLD

Original Author: Allie Miller