This week on How I Met Your Mother, we open to find Lilly and Marshall visiting their old friends Claudia and Stewart who have just had a baby. If you remember, it was Claudia’s wedding that Ted thought he had a date to but didn’t, and then met the creepy cake girl who moved to Germany. Also, Stewart started the interventions. However, they can’t decide on what to name her. (Suggestions are ‘frigid shrew’ after Claudia, and ‘Vodka’ so Stewart will hold her tight and never let her go). Lilly and Marshal smugly say they will never fight over something so stupid, but the first name they each suggest is not the same. Dun dun dun. Back at McLaren’s, Marshall and Lilly are still suggesting baby names. Lilly is shooting down all of the boy names that Marshall suggests. Apparently, the job of kindergarten teacher comes with the occupation hazards of boob grabs and pencil stabs to the thigh. Robin chimes in that they of course shouldn’t name their child Becky. The group has no idea who she is talking about, proving that they never watch Robin’s show (Marshall’s DVR doesn’t recognize it as a television program). Ted, however, has watched the latest episode, where Becky (Laura Bell Bundy) didn’t want to report the sad news. She did, however, like the story about the horse… until she read that it died. Ted actually thinks that Becky is charming. Why Ted? Why? We don’t understand and neither does Robin. Do boys actually like the little girl act? Yes, because they can say “whose your daddy.” Ewwwwwwwwwww. One “w” wasn’t enough. Robin points out that if guys went around talking like little boys no girl would sleep with them. “Challenge accepted!” says Barney. This will be interesting. As Lilly is naming off names she likes, Marshall rejects them too. Their daughter can’t be named Tara, she was the hottest girl in Marshall’s high school. Marshall sang songs about her (he was in a barbershop quartet, and had a cane?), and Ester was an amazing stripper/vaginal contortionist at the Lusty Leopard that could do magic and blow up a balloon with her lady parts. We are pretty impressed. Marshall cannot name his daughter that. In fact, Marshall doesn’t want a daughter at all. What if the boys sing dirty songs to her? Or he makes too many mistakes and she becomes a stripper? Marshall just wants a little boy. (Folks, it’s not what it sounds like). Later, Marshall is skyping with his parents. His mother leaves and Mr. Erickson passes down ancient family secrets to ensure that Lilly has a boy. Number one, stay away from lemons, they are baby girl fertilizer. Flash to Robin on her morning news show, reporting an important story, when Becky interrupts to tell the audience about her date… with Ted. (Robin: “This just in: Later today, a Manhattan architect gets punched in the throat”). Back at McLaren’s, Robin confronts Ted about taking her nemesis on a date. Ted defends himself saying that she showed up at the apartment to bring Robin cookies – gummie bears instead of chocolate chips (ew again)- and he was manly trying to hit on girls in a little boy voice. So defeated by the challenge, he forfeits and runs out of the bar crying. Ted continues his defense of dating Becky; she makes him feel needed, something he never felt with Robin. Stupid Ted. Now Robin feels hurt, but before Ted can make amends he gets a text that Becky is trapped in a revolving door and has to go help her. Next we see Marshall and Lilly in their bedroom about to continue their baby making attempts. Marshall stops them and runs into the bathroom to implement his dad’s strategic boy plan. He eats/drinks the juice of an entire jar of pickled herring, and sticks his “man sack” in a bowl of ice. With a victory screech of “Ericksen!!!!!!!!”, he runs to make a baby. As he points Lily due North, she inquires why. Then Marshall notices a bowl of lemons. Apparently, Lily googled how to conceive a girl. She has to eat lemons, point due south at the time of conception, and use a hairdryer to heat her baby making parts up to 105. Realizing how stupid they are being, they decide to pick a gender neutral name, and decide on Jamie. Ew. Jamie should NEVER be a boys name. Ever. (No offence to all of the boy Jamies out there). In the meantime, trying to lick her wounds, Robin comes to Barney’s apartment wondering if he ever felt like she needed him. No. She’s her own daddy, and mommy, and creepy uncle who lives alone in the woods with a shotgun. He tells her that she is the most amazing, strong, independent woman he has ever banged. Aw. Robin spots a girl behind Barney. She threatens to spank his “tushy-tush”, and retreats to the bedroom. Challenge completed!! Marshall and Lily visit Claudia and Stewart one more time, discovering their daughter’s name is Esther. EWWWWWW. Ted has taken out Becky again. He bends down to tie her shoe, sees a dad doing the same thing to a four year old, and dumps her. Thank God. All in all, a solid episode, but not one of our favorites. We wonder how long Becky will last. We aren’t sure how much more of her we can take.
Best Lines:
Marshall: “Asking Lily ‘who’s your daddy?’ doesn’t mean she’s my daughter. I’m just her daddy…” Barney (trying to pick up women with little boy voice): “Wow, you got some tig old bitties”, “want to wrestle with our special bathing suit parts?”, “Let’s play telephone: I have the string, you have the cans”, and our personal favorite, “I wet myself will you change me!!!!!” Lily: “You’re packing snowballs and your breath smells like a mermaid fart” Marshall’s barbershop quartet: “Tara, your booty is so smooth, and I hope this isn’t rude, but I want to back up on it!”
Original Author: Emma Carlsson