At McLaren’s, Barney, Ted, and Robin are all sitting together and Barney has come up with a new method of getting girls to sleep with him, wearing a boutonniere. The way he sees it, there is an 83% correlation between when men wear boutonnieres and when they get laid. (Proms, weddings, funerals. Thanks for the red head, Barney’s grandma). Apparently in Barney’s mind, boutonniere is French for ‘booty is near.’ As usual, Robin scoffs at Barney, telling him that he works way too hard and getting laid, but she makes a fatal mistake in saying that suits are boring without them. Never insult the suit!! Barney will not stand for this and reveals that he has discovered… Robin Sparkles 3 Y’all!!!! All of the gang gathers around to watch the new Robin Sparkles footage for the first time. Space Teens appears on the screen, displaying Robin Sparkles and her television, and real life, best friend Jessica Glitter who live in space and solve crime with math. Robin watches and sees a wholesome kids show, everyone else sees a porn waiting to happen. There is a stripper pole, bad lighting and a delusional girl who thinks this is a stepping stone to mainstream success. It IS porn!! Barney can only take up to when Glitter and Sparkles are moving around a phallic joystick about to shout out what 23 times 3 equals (69!) and has to stop the show. But, wait, where is Jessica now? They were BFFs? She and Robin aren’t really friends, Jessica still sends Robin a yearly postcard but the gang rules that that doesn’t count as real friends; no one from high school is still friends. Ted disagrees, he has Punchy (but their phone call of proof only consists of them screaming each other’s names for a minute before hanging up. Although Ted does invite him to NY anytime. Bad move Ted. Bad move). Robin leaves but the gang is left to wonder what exactly happened to Robin and Jessica’s relationship. Thanks to Ted and some quick math work, they discover that Jessica has a child about 5 years ago, guessing that Robin must have dumped Jessica when she got pregnant. Now that Lilly is the one about to have a baby, so maybe Robin is going to dump Lilly too. Honestly, we would want to dump Lily too. Too much baby talk ruins so many conversations. Robin comes home to find Lilly and Marshall gone but Barney and Ted waiting for her to continue Space Teens. Wanting to prove that her show is not porn, Robin sits and watches with them. Her point is not proven and she has to turn the show off just before Sparkles and Glitter start to sing a song about their beavers. (Alan Thicke: how much wood do I need to keep these beavers satisfied for the whole weekend?) Ted gets a nice surprise when Punchy comes in for a visit. The look on Ted’s face when he walks in obviously proves the “high school friends are not still real friends” theory. Punchy invites himself to spend some time on Ted’s couch and constantly punch Ted (hence the name thinks Emily. Emma points out his last name is Punchiarello, but we like the first theory). At first Ted feels bad for him, stuck in Cleveland at a dead end job, but when Ted finally tells Punchy he has to leave we find out Ted is the one Punchy feels bad for. Punchy is engaged and still feels bad that Ted was left at the altar so he wanted to go check on him. True high school friends do exist! Also, is Punchy’s wedding the one we see at the beginning of the season? Maybe not. Everyone else would not go to Punchy’s wedding considering what an annoying ass he is. No one wants to see your scrotum, Punchy. Robin and Lilly are not fairing as well as Ted and Punchy. So distraught that Robin is going to ditch her if she doesn’t stop talking about babies, Lilly breaks up with Robin first and has to go to Marshall to be comforted. But, Marshall has a way to fix Robin and Lilly’s relationship. He finds Jessica Glitter! Or, well Barney does so that he can try to buy her Space Teens costume. Jessica has made it out of Canada too, but she works as an organ player for Madison Square Garden. Lilly asks her about how her friendship with Robin broke up. It turns out that Robin wasn’t the one who ditched Jessica; it was the other way around, just like Lilly ditched Robin. Friendships are hard to maintain when your entire life revolves around a ten pound baby. Lilly goes and finds Robin at the Hoser Hut to apologize. Robin says that she might not like babies but she will love Lilly’s baby. She will even pick it up! As a special added bonus, who else is there to make up with Robin? Jessica Glitter! They sing a rousing version of the Beaver Song, complete with a guy in a bear costume, a hockey player, Mounties, the Queen, and even Alan Thick behind the bar. It’s a Canadian’s dream!!Best lines:“The camera work is pretty good considering the camera man was only using one hand”“How’s your beaver? Busy as ever!”Barney’s entire review of reality television “goodbyes”
Original Author: Emma Carlsson