March 16, 2011

Mi$ery Loves Company

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For this week’s installment of The Quarterlife Crisis, I sat down with Becca Goldklang ’11, the Boston-bred mama with the swagger and sexy style to back it up. You may recognize Ms. Goldklang from Teagle gym, the Palms’ dance floor or your sweetest dreams. When she’s not busy serving as my personal connect for Cornell hockey tickets or ice skating like a fiend, Becca is my partner in Quarterlife Crisis crime, indulging in an unhealthy dose of denial as the real world cruelly knocks on the doors of her soon to be condemned Eddy Street house. Hopeful about her hopelessness, Becca is a true survivor … like Beyoncé. Let’s see what she has to say about the doomed battle to make the Cornell experience last forever …

Milos:  So first thing’s first — When did you realize you were living through a quarterlife crisis?

Becca:  Sometime this semester, I awoke with a start, my antiquated Collegetown house still barely standing around me, to the horrible realization that not only am I not employed after graduation, but, to add insult to injury, I have but a few months left of irresponsible enjoyment ahead of me.

M:  I would imagine you don’t engage in said irresponsible activities alone. Do you find yourself surrounded by other quarterlife crisisers, or overachieving monsters?

B:  For the most part, I am sad to say, said monsters surround me. Many of my housemates already sold their souls to Wall Street months ago, others to graduate schools, yet I remain free, not tied down to anything. This freedom is something I choose to celebrate (and admittedly sometimes bemoan) with my other independent colleagues. Oftentimes there is a healthy combination of both types of friends, for once it is time to make poor decisions and act irresponsibly, we take up arms together, in order to fight the good fight.

M:  I celebrate your choices and adoption of the QLC lifestyle. My personal crisis has taken me on a wild ride from a local hair salon, to a hip-hop dance group, to Taco Bell and back again. What untamed adventures have you come upon during your journey?

B:  To name a quick few, I have installed a punching bag in our creepy basement, battled a ghost in our attic, spent a week forgoing all school work to create the perfect Four Loko Halloween costume (and trust me, it’s perfect), have proudly stalked the Men’s Varsity Hockey team and successfully held a ten minute conversation with a few players about the literary classic series Goosebumps, all while managing to cause a certain Collegetown bartender to fall in love with me by accident.

M:  Now through all that, do you wake up in the morning feeling like P Diddy?

B:  I actually feel more like Puff Daddy circa 1999 after the shootout at Club New York where he was charged with assault — confused and scared, but ready to maintain my innocence.

M:  I heard it was all J Lo’s fault. It seems you have a pretty good grasp of hip-hop history. How have you incorporated that into your daily life?

B:  Well, it so happens that I am taking a research-based hip-hop class at this esteemed University. My enthusiasm for the subject matter makes up for my lack of musical (and any other) talent. Somehow I managed to trick my way into the class in order to brush shoulders with the future rich and famous, namely up-and-coming rapper Dylan Owen and the talented D.J. Grumble. An added benefit of this class is being able to brush shoulders with the already rich and famous; soon Afrika Bambaataa — one of the godfathers of hip-hop, who is coming for an academic symposium (which everyone in the Cornell community should attend) and to play an exclusive D.J. set — will get to hang out with me, and we will eat sandwiches together and reminisce about our hilarious and memorable night at Thumpty on April 14. (Note — Be sure to get your tickets to the free Afrika Bambaataa and Grandmaster Caz show at Thumpty on April 14)

M:  I hear that class is full of talent — poets, salsa dancers, rowers, wrestlers, Katherine Walker — all while taught under the rule of the one and only Steven “$o Phresh” Pond and the unparalleled Bonna “Bonnafide Hustler” Boettcher. How do you see this class fitting into the grand scheme of your quarterlife crisis?

B:  That’s a tough one Milos, but I think that part of it is my attempt to really make the best of my final months here at Cornell. Or to prolong my pending unceremonious ejection from comfort into the harsh “real world.” Reality is coming at me fast, and I am just holding on for dear life, with the help of Professor Pond and our newfound break-dancing skills.

M:  I feel you sister. What exactly does this so-called “real world” hold for Becca Goldklang?

B:  Only time will tell, but most likely it will include my famed couch rotation. I plan on moving to NYC and bumming off of everyone I know there, since I will either have no job or, if Lady Luck is on my side, have some form of employment, but surely one with very little pay. My sources tell me that you may find yourself in the city next year as well, so you may be one of the lucky few on this prestigious rotation. As for dealing with my quarterlife crisis, maybe, with some saving, I will buy a tricycle in order to hold on to my youth a bit longer … a really flashy one with streamers.

Milos Balac is a senior in the College of Arts and Sciences. He may be reached at mb695@cornell.edu. The Quarterlife Crisis appears alternate Thursdays this semester.

Original Author: Milos Balac