February 26, 2012

LIVE BLOG: The 84th Academy Awards

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The full live blog of Sunday’s 84th Academy Awards, with all the comments and critiques of the show that were made in real time. The posts are presented in reverse chronological order, with the first updates of the night at the very bottom.

11:44 pm by Editor:

It was a fun night, I look forward to sifting through these posts tomorrow and wondering how I thought any of this could be funny. It was a pleasure, everyone. Now get back to work.

11:43 pm by Editor:

The show had a few surprises, no one can complain about that. Not funny enough, overall, though Will Ferrell/Zach Galifianakis cymbal skit was hilariously clumsy. Ratings will likely lack compared to previous shows due to no one actually seeing these films. Props to Billy Crystal for being a very traditional, solid host, though weaker than his last appearance. Ah, who I am kidding. It’s Oscar night, gotta love it, warts and all.

11:40 pm by Editor:

The Artist was a fun film that showed inordinate love for its medium. I greatly admired it. A nice win. I wonder how it will stand in history.

11:37 pm by Editor:

Dance with Uggie, Jean! We love the pup! WE GAVE YOU THIS OSCAR TO SEE THE DOG, LISTEN TO US, YOU WILL NEVER WORK IN THIS COUNTRY AGAIN IF THAT DOG DOESN’T PLAY DEAD!

11:36 pm by Editor:

If The Artist didn’t win Best Picture I would have likely shit my pants.

11:35 pm by Editor:

A powerful motion picture montage with nice post-rock background music.

11:33 pm by Editor:

And for the last upset of the night, Tree of Life for Best Picture? What crazy potheads want to make this happen?

11:32 pm by Editor:

Meryl Streep is a Titan. And Billy Crystal’s math did NOT fail! Eh?

11:31 pm by Editor:

I don’t know who Meryl’s husband is. His job is probably being Meryl Streep’s Husband.

11:30 pm by Editor:

MERYL STREEP WINS! Unexpected one, this is a big one. Big gasp here at this party.

11:29 pm by Editor:

Michelle Williams will lose and whisk away into the indie sunset once more.

11:27 pm by Editor:

Nothing to show how good Rooney Mara is by showing the scene where she kicks a dildo up a fat man’s ass! Amirite?!

11:26 pm by Editor:

The Help hosted a weak script, but Viola did stirring work.

11:25 pm by Editor:

I do not think I will ever see Albert Nobbs. Just not feelin it, sorry.

11:23 pm by Editor:

Ellen’s commercials and their Cecil B DeMille sets are pretty impressive. Oscar host again, next year, anyone?

11:21 pm by Editor:

Jean goes back to speak and they cut him off. He was gonna yell some more, come on!

11:19 pm by Editor:

“Do the eyebrow thing, Jean!” – everyone.

11:19 pm by Editor:

Jean Dujardin wins Best Actor. He totally deserves it, but do not expect him to ever win again. I doubt even a nomination. We will see. No one stands for his win, either. Hmmhmm.

11:17 pm by Editor:

“WHY DON’T WE TAKE ALL THE OSCARS, AND GIVE THEM TO GARY OLDMAN?!” *insert Patrick star two-box meme here*

11:16 pm by Editor:

Woman besides Jean is translating in his ear. This will be a fun speech.

11:14 pm by Editor:

No one saw A Better Life or Demian Bichir’s performance in it. I am impressed it got this far, I am sure he was stellar. Alas, his chances to win are null.

11:12 pm by Editor:

Precious is back! Oprah said she had a mighty career ahead of her back in 2010. Starring as a maid in last year’s Tower Heist confirms this upward trajectory!

11:08 pm by Editor:

Well, good, we got that over with.

11:06 pm by Editor:

Steve Jobs impacted film, we cannot forget. And Sidney Lumet died within the last year? The man never won an Oscar; a crime.

11:05 pm by Editor:

Uncle Ben died, again. I forgot. Now I am gonna cry some more.

11:05 pm by Editor:

No applause this year during the tribute. The applause made it a popularity contest.

11:04 pm by Editor:

In Memoriam. Nice intro from Crystal to a late Oscar producer most never heard about.

11:00 pm by Editor:

Billy Crystal’s fail at math might give away who wins Best Actress. Meryl…you may be lucky, we will see. Or maybe Crystal is a little dim.

10:58 pm by Editor:

Nice to see a legendary makeup artist, Dick Smith, a man always behind the scenes, receive recognition besides two of Hollywood’s most recognizable icons.

10:57 pm by Editor:

James Earl Jones won an Honorary Oscar; who did not grow up with this man’s excellence? Well, his parents, I guess.

10:55 pm by Editor:

Billy Crystal fails at math. 14 +2 =/= 17.

10:55 pm by Editor:

Michel started speech as an awkward Frenchman and ended with grace. Props.

10:54 pm by Editor:

Michel Hazanavicius wins. Meh. Not a fan of this win. Expect him to never win nor be nominated again. I highly, highly doubt it. An admirable one-off, nonetheless.

10:53 pm by Editor:

Woody Allen and Terrence Malick are not in the audience. Allen does not care and Malick is busy floating into the sky.

10:51 pm by Editor:

Michael Douglas had cancer and looks great. I am not suggesting one leads to the other, mind you.

10:49 pm by Editor:

I predict Viola Davis for Best Actress, Jean Dujardin for Actor, Michel Hazanavicius for Director and The Artist for Picture. Besides the last one, however, all of them can be toss-ups. Marty might upset the Directing race. And Clooney the Actor one.

10:45 pm by Editor:

I am 3 for 3 with these Short Film wins. Someone buy me a drink.

10:44 pm by Editor:

Erin from The Office is introducing Best Short Animated Film. Not awkward enough!

10:43 pm by Editor:

Best Animated Short Film is after this, after that only 4 awards left. This night has swept by, wow.

10:42 pm by Editor:

Scorsese drinking game! The new sensation sweeping frats across Cornell.

10:41 pm by Editor:

Father, daughter win Oscars together. Dammit, that is too cute.

10:40 pm by Editor:

The Shore wins Best Short Film. Everyone who saw it do not read this. Good, glad we got that over with.

10:39 pm by Editor:

Maya Rudolph and Kristen Wiig are talking about PENISES everyone. Innuendo! Hilarious!

10:38 pm by Editor:

Blade Runner and 2001: A Space Odyssey mentions in a mini visual effects montage. You just made me happy, Academy.

10:37 pm by Editor:

IMDB is posting the winners on Facebook. From what it looks like, people have “liked” the wins of Octavia Spencer and The Muppets’ song most, so far. Midnight in Paris will likely accumulate those numbers soon.

10:33 pm by Editor:

In case you didn’t see, Sacha Baron Cohen walked the red carpet in his Dictator garb and spilled an urn of “Kim Jong-il’s” ashes on Ryan Seacrest. If I couldn’t admire the man anymore…

10:31 pm by Editor:

Hey Academy, you put Werner Herzog in one of these “I love movies” montages. Why not give the man an Oscar for a change … or even nominate him?

10:30 pm by Editor:

And Woody Allen is not there, makes the show go faster at least.

10:30 pm by Editor:

A Separation was also incredible, just reminding you.

10:29 pm by Editor:

I don’t think Woody Allen is in the house tonight, he is the favorite to win. Curmudgeon.

10:28 pm by Editor:

Payne is Greek. So am I. Mini shoutout there.

10:28 pm by Editor:

Alexander Payne wins for The Descendants’ screenplay. He is one of our generation’s best screenwriters AND directors. Someday he’ll win the latter. His two Screenplay statues are keeping him content for now, I gather.

10:26 pm by Editor:

The Descendants anticipated to win Best Adapted Screenplay. Aaron Sorkin’s Moneyball likely will not because he won last year. And Tinker Tailor confuses too many people (not me, for the record).

10:26 pm by Editor:

Angelina Jolie is trying too hard to make the audience … nevermind.

10:24 pm by Editor:

The Artist is the big favorite to win Best Picture tonight. Enjoyed the film a lot but felt it was a bit shallow. This year has been weaker for cinema, overall. What does everyone think?

10:21 pm by Editor:

So much Ellen! One Million Moms will hear about this! (that is a joke, people)

10:18 pm by Editor:

Bret McKenzie winning Best Song has been the most vocal “yay!” from the group I am with so far. I can dig that.

10:18 pm by Editor:

“Man or Muppet” has to win this one, perhaps just for the cameo of Sheldon in the Big Bang Theory.

10:16 pm by Editor:

Will Ferrell moments usually rule the night. And with Zach Galifianakis this time no less. Cymbal monkeys.

10:16 pm by Editor:

“I’ve got so much love to give to you,” Ludovic Buorce says. A nice, sort of direct sentimental thing to say.

10:15 pm by Editor:

The Artist wins Best Musical Score. Deserved, overall, yes. Nice French speech incoming.

10:14 pm by Editor:

Best Musical Score will likely go to The Artist. it was fantastic but it used the climactic song from Hitchcock’s Vertigo, which caused star Kim Novak to call the film “rape.” Extreme attention-grabbing like any faded film star, but they could have chosen otherwise.

10:13 pm by Editor:

Owen Wilson has a hawl pass (?)

10:11 pm by Editor:

Academy President keeps his speech short and unremarkable. Billy’s “Thank you for whipping the crowd into a crazy,” response was ace.

10:10 pm by Editor:

I laughed at the bit. Billy has had ups and downs tonight, but moments like that remind why they picked him.

10:09 pm by Editor:

“mehhhh” I can’t imagine Nick Nolte thinks anything else.

10:08 pm by Editor:

Billy Crystal’s “What Are the Stars Thinking” bit. He’s done this forever, it is usually a winner.

10:06 pm by Editor:

Apparently Christopher Plummer is Canadian. Funny how we side class with the English. I can’t imagine they consider us anything superior.

10:02 pm by Editor:

“You’re only two years older than me, darling, where have you been all my life,” Plummer to Oscar statuette. Classy Brits, gotta love em.

10:01 pm by Editor:

Christopher Plummer wins Supporting Actor. Stand up, Academy! All of you!!

10:00 pm by Editor:

Max von Sydow played immortal roles in Ingmar Bergman’s classic films. He should have won 50 years ago.

9:59 pm by Editor:

Christopher Plummer has had a remarkable career and delivered a touching, genuine performance in Beginners. The man deserves an Oscar. He’ll have a classy speech only a genteel British gentleman can deliver.

9:57 pm by Editor:

Hugo wins Visual Effects. Another loss for me. Love the movie, but damn, did it beat Hogwarts on fire or Andy Serkis’ mocap acting, detailed character?

9:56 pm by Editor:

Oscar winner: TRANSFORMERS. Who wants to hear that? Let’s see…

9:56 pm by Editor:

Harry Potter has one more chance for Oscar though. Who knows.

9:55 pm by Editor:

If Rise of the Planet of the Apes wins Visual Effects, that would basically say, “Hey, Andy Serkis, we like you, just not that much.”

9:54 pm by Editor:

Jonah Hill and Emma Stone started on Superbad. Remember that? #theolddays

9:53 pm by Editor:

Ben Stiller has been presenting awards for about 10 years, he always embarrasses himself. Emma Stone substitutes this time around.

9:52 pm by Editor:

Melissa McCarthy should be on Cirque du Soleil with those legs (hehe).

9:51 pm by Editor:

Two and a half minutes of Pixar’s newest movie Brave are online. It looks pretty good. They almost always are (with Cars 2 in their history now “almost” must be included).

9:49 pm by Editor:

Okay, Best Supporting Actor has not been awarded yet. Weak pacing, it has been nearly one and a half hours.

9:48 pm by Editor:

Woot, Rango takes Best Animated. This film was fantastic. Gore Verbinski on stage, director of Pirates of the Caribbean. He wasn’t going to win for that.

9:46 pm by Editor:

Rango needs to win Best Animated. I have money on this! (People say Chico & Rita may upset)

9:46 pm by Editor:

Chris Rock adds some perspective on the animation business. One of the better intros, yet.

9:45 pm by Editor:

Chris Rock is on stage; gotta love him.

9:44 pm by Editor:

Bleeping a winner, starting the music and fading out their mic. aka: GET OFF THE STAGE

9:43 pm by Editor:

Undefeated wins Best Documentary. I voted Paradise Lost 3. Haven’t seen any so I cannot really judge. Academy loves their football (really?).

9:42 pm by Editor:

That RDJ/Paltrow intro was bizarre. This Documentary is a wild card tonight.

9:40 pm by Editor:

Christopher Plummer could kick your ass, Billy, don’t test him. He’d beat you up and sing at the same time.

9:39 pm by Editor:

Glad to see the heads of the show are a little more flexible with their programming this year.

9:38 pm by Editor:

I am just going to watch this thing. I can;t tell if it is good or bad. A little terrifying maybe.

9:35 pm by Editor:

Wait, this Cirque du Soleil thing looks pretty awesome. North by Northwest choreography, I support.

9:34 pm by Editor:

MUPPETS YES

9:32 pm by Editor:

Oh, yeah, Modern Family. That is the show I (and everyone) watch on ABC.

9:32 pm by Editor:

I feel like I have seen Ellen in every commercial break. It’s her revenge for not getting the hosting call.

9:30 pm by Editor:

This Cirque du Soleil extravaganza will either bomb or be pretty cool. I hope I am wrong on both accounts.

9:28 pm by Editor:

Sweet, Hugo picks Sound Mixing. Four wins so far tonight. Perhaps an upset for Marty, Best Director, later on? Don’t discount him.

9:28 pm by Editor:

I picked Hugo for Sound Mixing, I better get one win with this.

9:27 pm by Editor:

Sound Editing/Mixing. What’s the difference? The conundrum of every Oscar night.

9:26 pm by Editor:

Hugo wins Best Sound Editing. I am losing this Oscar pool more than I anticipated. James Feld is doing mighty well. And he just picked randomly….

9:25 pm by Editor:

Two film editors win two years in a row. Since when does this happen?

9:25 pm by Editor:

The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo wins Best Editing. WHOA. Sort of a big upset there, yikes. These dudes won last year. Totally deserved win, though, an example of graceful, montage editing.

9:24 pm by Editor:

Hugo’s editor, Thelma Schoonmaker, is a Cornell Alum. Much love either way it goes.

9:23 pm by Editor:

Film Editing up now. I expect The Artist once again. Always a high correlation between Best Picture and Editing.

9:22 pm by Editor:

Tina Fey should dropkick Bradley Cooper to show how much better she is and perhaps knock of his stupid moustache in the process.

9:21 pm by Editor:

Fred Willard on how to improve The Wizard of Oz: “diversity, an old, old wooden ship.”

9:20 pm by Editor:

Christopher Guest crew in an Oscar feature? Mad respect.

9:18 pm by Editor:

“Your Child Has Vanished, What Do You Do?” tagline for new ABC show. Stuff Casey Anthony thinks of.

9:17 pm by Editor:

I hate these “so 29 seconds ago” AT&T commercials. Life doesn’t have to move that fast, we aren’t thinking anymore. OOH! Citi Bank commercial. That AT&T commercial, so 40 seconds ago.

9:15 pm by Editor:

Can the Bridesmaid dress fitting/shitting scene win an Oscar for Best Sound Design?

9:14 pm by Editor:

Adorable speech from Octavia. Who can argue with that win.

9:12 pm by Editor:

Octavia Spencer looks like she will pass out. Just won Best Supporting Actress. Expect a nice, bubbly speech.

9:12 pm by Editor:

By that measure, I don’t think Octavia Spencer will ever be nominated again. Who knows.

9:11 pm by Editor:

Melissa McCarthy will never be nominated again, by my predictions. I hope she wins but she probably won’t.

9:10 pm by Editor:

Jessica Chastain was in like every film last year, she could take all 5 spots. Seriously.

9:10 pm by Editor:

Yeah, Americans, Christian Bale is Welsh. Not ours.

9:09 pm by Editor:

I am sure many took offense to the GOP jab in Hollywood.

9:09 pm by Editor:

This is definitely Iran’s first win, and it is rare that they award any Middle Eastern country. Perhaps it is an olive branch, in a sense. Well, no, no, no it is not.

9:08 pm by Editor:

A Separation was last year’s most flawless film. Everyone has to see it, it will be considered a classic years from now.

9:07 pm by Editor:

Pundits say giving an Oscar to Iran’s A Separation is equivalent to a cultural olive branch to the troubled country. Ha. A good joke.

9:06 pm by Editor:

Best Foreign Language Film. A Separation may have been the best film last year, period. This has to take the Oscar.

9:04 pm by Editor:

Considering Lost no longer airs, I wonder if last year’s Oscars was the last time I watched ABC.

9:03 pm by Editor:

I saw The Help on Friday. Movie was meh and sort of questionable, morally, but Octavia Spencer and Viola Davis deserve their (likely) wins.

9:02 pm by Editor:

“Can I please do that?” Adam Sandler, to Sean Connery. Gotta love this lame innuendo.

9:00 pm by Editor:

Morgan Freeman, then Adam Sandler. Olympic talent adjacent.

8:59 pm by Editor:

The show needs to move to some Acting awards to maintain interest, even I am getting tired of this.

8:58 pm by Editor:

No wins for the entire Harry Potter franchise. But a butt shot from JLo and Diaz to compensate (??).

8:57 pm by Editor:

If Harry Potter loses Makeup, it will have NEVER won an Oscar. Think about that.

8:55 pm by Editor:

Okay, The Artist wins Costume. This evening will likely go by the unwritten script.

8:55 pm by Editor:

If Hugo wins the Costume Design award, things will get interesting. Expect The Artist, though.

8:54 pm by Editor:

Billy Crystal menage a trois with JLo and Cameron Diaz. Picture it.

8:53 pm by Editor:

The Oscars: Hey guys do you know this guy, Tom Hanks? Well here he is … every second of the show.

8:52 pm by Editor:

Twilight in the Oscars. Abandon ship. Wait, Titanic is here … bad joke.

8:50 pm by Editor:

Little girls, McDonalds French fries will in fact get you with boys. The commercial speaks truth.

8:49 pm by Editor:

While we are in comercial break, may I suggest you watch Children of Men if you never have. Emmanuel Lubezki shot it; he just lost the Cinematography Oscar for The Tree of Life to Hugo. But he lost the Oscar that year too. Justice must be served.

8:46 pm by Editor:

Hugo wins 2 in a row to start the night. I won’t jump to any crazy conclusions but it could pick a few upsets later on.

8:45 pm by Editor:

May I say I don’t mind this swift moving through the technical categories. Works well for pacing.

8:44 pm by Editor:

I picked Hugo for Art Direction though, it deserves it, in my humble opinion. Let us see …

8:43 pm by Editor:

Hugo wins Cinematography. My Oscar pool is already not in my favor.

8:43 pm by Editor:

The Tree of Life totally deserves this, this is the man that did Children Of Men, come on.

8:43 pm by Editor:

Kudos to a solid opening number.

8:40 pm by Editor:

Distracting echo on Billy’s mic. Guy is working it, though. This man is 63 years old, people.

8:38 pm by Editor:

Recession joke resonates with those affected … who are surely not watching.

8:37 pm by Editor:

The Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close and War Horse jokes … meh. You got this, Billy.

8:36 pm by Editor:

I thought they loved him, Billy deserves a standing ovation, he’s been gone for 8 years.

8:36 pm by Editor:

This montage is like the Regal Cinema roller coaster intro. That’s pretty much a compliment.

8:34 pm by Editor:

Billy Crystal montage is starting strong. Segue from The Help to Bridesmaids worked wonders.

8:33 pm by Editor:

And we are live! Technical difficulties at first, but we are running.

Original Author: Zachary Zahos

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