October 23, 2012

Binder? I Hardly Know ‘Er

Print More

As November approaches, we as young adults have an important choice ahead of us. The options cannot be more different and the way we decide could change the course of our lives. And yet, with mere days left, I have not yet made a decision. No, not about who I am going to vote for on November 6, but rather, what the hell I should be for Halloween this year. Every year Halloween rolls around, after the whole hoopla has been going on all month. Constant questions as to what or who I am going as, who is having a party and when (since when is Halloween on a Wednesday? The weekend before seems far too early and the weekend after is already November, which seems an utterly preposterous time to be gallivanting about in costumes) seem to plague me from October 1. So, what follows is a guideline for picking the right costume; to help you be the wittiest of the bunch and hopefully save you from waking up in the bed of a townie dressed as John Wayne Gacy.

First off, this is Ithaca, which means it’ll probably be colder than Mitt Romney’s heart out there. So either tough it out and don’t wear a jacket, or make sure that that bulky North Face and those Uggs are part of some sorority girl costume, because otherwise you’re going to look like a fool.

Size matters. Your enjoyment will suffer if your costume is so bulky that you can’t turn around in a hallway. Also, nobody should need a box cutter to try and make kisses on you. The less clothing, the better.

Packaged and purchased costumes are tacky. Before you even start thinking about what you want to be, make sure that it isn’t assembled in a factory in China. And don’t worry about spending too much money; a great costume can easily be made on the cheap.

When it comes to deciding on your costume, play to your audience and make sure people will actually get what you are trying to be. Just because everybody at the Cosplay convention you went to has read all of Game of Thrones, doesn’t mean we have. So if you aren’t sure what to dress up as, stick with classics and you’ll do just fine.

Now let’s set some ground rules for the actual getups. Sluttiness is not a costume. This one is mostly for the girls, but guys, leaving your shirt and pants at home does not a costume make. Ladies, throwing on a bunch of skimpy clothing and saying you are a sexy cat, a sexy popsicle or a sexy turd, is just lame. We see enough short skirts during the rest of the year; let’s strive for a little originality please.

In that vein, wearing a cool t-shirt is not cool, nor is it a costume. Just because you have a t-shirt with Cookie Monster on it, doesn’t mean you are dressed up like Cookie Monster, it just means your mom went to Urban Outfitters and got you a birthday present.

Topical costumes can be risky, but if pulled off correctly can be glorious and potentially lead to several likes on your new profile picture. That being said, if you decide to go as a “binder full of women,” make sure you’re the best one at the party, otherwise you’ll find that’s it’s quite hard to sob alone in the corner when you have two big pieces of cardboard attached to you.

Big gestures are always appreciated! This includes, face / body paint of any kind, facial hair changes and removed limbs. There is nothing quite like explaining to people a month after the fact that you don’t have eyebrows because of a Halloween costume. This is all part of the bigger idea of commitment. Going the extra mile can save even a stupid costume idea. I’ve seen what should have been horrible costumes end up working because of that extra accessory that shows a little effort. So start scavenging your friends’ closets for that leopard print glitter spandex, find that “Monster Mash” cassette and God help you if you go as a “nudist on strike.” Happy Christian Purim. Vote McGovern.

Dan Rosen is a senior in the College of Art, Architecture, and Planning. He may be reached at drosen@cornellsun.com. Smell the Rosen ap­pears alternate Wednesdays this semester.

Original Author: Dan Rosen

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *