Society imposes roles of dominance and roles of submission on people in their everyday interactions with one another. Nearly every meeting comes with a predetermined ranking. For instance, the barista at Starbucks wants to make your drink just the way you like it because she is there to serve. Similarly, you are at Cornell, in part, to impress professors with your hard work. When you meet any random individual at a party, an instant determination of the dominant and submissive individual is established when one person refuses to smile back or disregards a question posed to him or her by the other. Usually, these first measures of dominance and submission carry into later interactions between the two people. It usually takes a drastic move to change these roles, once firmly established. Yet, there is a way to make waves in the pool of power struggles. Get someone in bed with you and strip him or her down to his or her tighty-whities, then decide who’s on top. You might be surprised by the drastic changes in the dynamic. Everyone wants to be dominated as well as to feel dominant. We have it in us to be the giver and to be the taker, even if the taker usually just gives and gives, then gives more in the morning. A big burly man would most definitely pop a stiff one just thinking about a little chick climbing on top of him, pulling his huge arms over his head (or as far as they will go, those damn trapezoidal muscles) and telling him that he is in for a ride. Or, more accurately, he is about to be ridden. As much as he prizes being in charge, he looks forward to being with someone who can get him begging.I am a prime example of a person who desires both ends of the domination spectrum when I get it on. My close friends know that I have a thing for innocent types, those who are inexperienced but ready and overly willing to learn from a dedicated teacher. I like the feeling of overwhelming a boy with intense sexual energy. I always think back to my middle school boyfriend and the time I granted him his first glimpse of boobies. His eyes went wide and his mouth curled into a slight grin as I sat on top of him and slowly removed my shirt and bra, revealing my new pubescent developments to their first suitor. It was as if I had him at “nipple.” Each time after that, I was the one on top. I later broke up with him and watched him beg me to take him back. The energy of the bedroom is powerful nyet mysterious. Use it wisely.To feel true domination, there must be a sense of fear involved. When you lose control of a situation completely, fear begins to brew. When you don’t know at all what comes next, anticipation intensifies. You become absorbed by the other’s bedroom initiatives. You then have nothing left to do but lay back and allow yourself to be taken, without resistance, fully giving in. Has anyone ever held down your arms with his or her knees, pulled your hair and told you to shut up after each sentence you utter? Has anyone ever forced you to scream, “Fuck me!” louder and louder before they will fulfill you? Has anyone ever grabbed your whole body, flipped you over, held your legs together with one hand and then grabbed your ass with the other while thrusting himself inside of you? Well, if not, then let me tell you: It’s hot. One person usually just gets this animalistic energy that brews up during intercourse or foreplay. Let them do their thing, even if their typical role is that of a spectator. They could surprise you with a jolt of kinkiness.Although it may be the ultimate domination there is no need for freaky sex toys, ropes or chains joining you in bed. By encouraging domination, I am not claiming that all women have it in them to be a dominatrix, Van der Sex style, complete with whip, blindfold and black leather high-heeled boots with matching miniskirt and bra. Men do not need to be blessed with baseball size biceps and a deep voice to make their women succumb (although that deep voice whispering naughty nothings in my ear doesn’t hurt my libido). We all have it in us to be naughty and in control in the bedroom, even if we like to present ourselves as sweet and respectable in all other situations. We all know the sexy librarian. It is the most sexy when a normally very shy and proper person becomes a tiger under the sheets (or in the shower, on my desk chair or on the kitchen table).It is highly important to our development as adults to experience dominance over one another. It is good to practice achieving domination from a place of inferiority, not just in the bedroom but in other aspects of our lives. It will certainly help us as college students when we enter the workplace as lowly interns, analysts and assistants. Although tough, it is not impossible to change dominance roles in real life. But our sex lives are the safest place to experiment, like working under a hood in the chem lab. If we are ever going to get places in life, we must pull ourselves out from under the weight of societal rank. We must be able to shake up our worlds enough so that our employer may experience life on the bottom, looking up at our pretty faces.
Mona G. is a senior in the College of Agriculture and Life Sciences. She may be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org. Erotic Epiphanies appears alternate Thursdays this semester.
Original Author: Mona G.