August 29, 2013

THE BERRY PATCH: Freshmania

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During O-Week this past week, upperclassman reconnected with friends over a few drinks and freshmen got acquainted with new classmates by, er, regurgitating a few too many. But our eager beaver Berry Patch reporters were stone cold sober, on duty investigating the Collegetown social scene. They didn’t have plans anyway.

These trusty(ish) B-team reporters scouted out some of the common freshmen faux-pas that inevitably occur during the week before classes start. Here are few of the most egregious and a bit of friendly — okay, pretty rude — advice:

Lanyards: It’s okay to leave the lanyard home when you go out, we swear. You will not lose your student I.D. if you put it in your wallet, nor your keys if you keep them in a pocket or purse. The rest of us somehow manage keep these items safe every day without wearing them around our necks on a bright red string. It’ll help you avoid instantly branding yourself as members of the freshmen class — though to be fair we can probably spot you anyway.

Name-Dropping: OHHH, so your half-sister’s boyfriend’s cousin’s step-uncle’s love-child’s great-aunt’s daughter’s best friend is in this house? Yeah, probably don’t care. Seriously, does that person even exist?

Maps: After dark while out on the town is about the time you may want to stow away your foldable map. Ask an upperclassman for directions; they’ll jump at the chance to show off their superior knowledge. Perhaps try joining the 21st century by using yours or a friend’s smartphone navigation app. Or accept your fate and get lost in C-Town (and check off #102 on The Sun’s 161 List). Just ditch the map.

Whining: We understand that it’s hard to be a freshman these days. True, most of us did not have to walk uphill in a blizzard both ways to find the one open party happening on any given night, but we can remember what it’s like to be the new kids on the block. Still, though, it’s a dark period we’re trying hard to forget — no need to remind us about it.