“I really like being tied up and dominated.” What? Is that wrong? Has your jaw dropped? Do you kind of want to stop reading but also feel like maybe the next few minutes will make it worth it? (This is how I feel about Girls, like maybe Hannah Horvath will finally put on some clothes but hey, I guess “it’s a Wednesday night baby and I’m alive” means no shirt necessary) I digress. Keep reading!
The conversation happened after a bout of particularly steamy sex with a guy I was dating this summer. We had both finished and were lying next to each other, sweating, cuddling uncomfortably and being “romantic” (in my defense an unfurnished apartment in downtown Manhattan without air conditioning is not ideal, but he has a hardwood floor and I’ll take what I can get). We were talking about how good the sex had been when he looked right at me and asked the same question many men have asked me before: “What are your sexual fantasies?”
When I told this new guy that I like being tied up, he went to a sex shop that is highly recommended (by yours truly, all of New York and anyone who has ever bought a vibrator on the internet) and bought anti-chafe tape so he could tie me up and sexually torment me at his leisure. Even though I will never forgive him for passing up an under-the-mattress contraption with handcuffs at each corner (I guess that’s more of an investment, one may say), I got exactly what I wanted and one of the best orgasms I’ve ever had.
Before I get too ahead of myself, let me explain. I love sex. Actually, I take that back. I really, really love sex. I love talking about sex, having sex, thinking about the sex I’m going to have, reading about sex (oh come on, I know you’ve all read the 50 Shades of Grey trilogy), sexting … you get it. I’m also a big believer that if you want something done the way you like it, speak up! Sex, especially sex, fits seamlessly into this philosophy. I’ve been with my fair share of men and I’m sorry if your ex-girlfriend liked when you sucked that hard on her nipples, but it really hurts and I’d appreciate it if you stopped immediately. Thanks!
It’s just honesty and it has always gotten me exactly what I wanted in bed. It seems taboo to be the girl who likes being tied up (or the girl who likes it when a guy finishes on her tits, or the girl who likes to have sex out a window … I think you catch my drift) but, if it’s what I like, who cares? I have never had a guy throw his hands up in disgust or exasperation when I tell him what I like or how exactly I want him to pleasure me. In fact, most guys I sleep with are pleasantly shocked when I tell them exactly what to do.
It makes total sense. Here we are, 20-something year olds, still novices (okay, probably not novices) in the bedroom. For some people, the only experience they’ve have with sex is the person they lost their virginity to on prom night. Cute (that was sarcastic). And seriously, just because you’ve fucked a lot of girls during your three years here, you’re still a novice when it comes to fucking me. What your ex-girlfriend liked is not what I like. Or what that girl in the apartment above you likes. Or what the hot CTB bagel girl likes. Pardon the cliché, but different strokes for different folks has never taken on a truer meaning. Believe me, you’ll be thrilled when you get an extra 45 minutes of sleep on a Thursday night because you haven’t spent them staring at the ceiling awkwardly trying to figure out where to put your hands (above your head? By your side? Playing with his hair?) while he is attempting to locate your clitoris and figure out how it drives.
Being honest in the bedroom gets you what you want. I know you probably don’t want to say “fuck me really hard from behind and spank me occasionally” aloud for fear of sounding weird, but sex is weird. Deal with it. Also, reading a sex column is weird and kind of voyeuristic (hey, I’m into it!) so if you’re pretending to read the news (nothing happened in Ithaca today or ever) or some music review (Bob Dylan still sucks as much as he did at that concert in April), stick with this. Sex is weird! Reading about sex is weird! But we all do it, so you might as well embrace it!
Saying what you want is a win-win so you might as well try. I promise that new fuck buddy you met during O-Week will appreciate knowing what gets you off. And, if he or she doesn’t, lucky for you Cornell has 12,999 other undergrads for you to mess around with.
Amy O. is a senior in the College of Human Ecology. He may be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org. Some Like it Rough appears alternate Thursdays this semester.
Original Author: Amy O.