November 5, 2014

SEX ON THURSDAYS: Female Orgasm 101

Print More

By RUTH M.

A quick Google search will present a myriad of female orgasm facts with contradicting statistics about how many women orgasm during sex, whether a vaginal orgasm is a real orgasm and whether the g-spot even exists. The jury is still out on these topics, so rather than pull misleading or contradictory facts from the Internet, I’ll just tell you about my personal experience with orgasms. Women respond differently to stimulation, and not everyone’s orgasms may feel the same, but since I’ve never felt another woman’s orgasms, bear with me as I present you my one-sided opinions.

I’ve read that a vaginal orgasm is actually a clitoral orgasm resulting from stimulation of nerves of the clitoris that extend up the vaginal wall. I’ve also heard that vaginal orgasms are different than clitoral orgasms and, finally, I’ve also heard that vaginal orgasms don’t exist. I have had both clitoral and vaginal orgasms, and while both pleasurable, they felt very, very different, so I believe the theory that both exist separately. I can have a vaginal orgasm with any guy that has at least an average-sized penis and who can rhythmically hit the right spot enough times. This usually happens when we’re in missionary with my legs pulled up to my chest. Once I feel a vaginal orgasm building, it usually happens in less than a minute. My breath gets short and my body tenses and then there is a pleasurable release. This can happen up to three times for me in a single sex session. Vaginal orgasms are okay for me. I would rather orgasm that way then not at all. But on a scale of one to clitoral orgasm, vaginal orgasms are a five.

Clitoral orgasms aren’t really disputed by scientists. They exist, and they’re amazing. Not every guy I’ve slept with has the patience, the skill or the desire to give me a clitoral orgasm, but I always say that the ones who have given me one were the absolute best partners. The best way for me to have a clitoral orgasm is cunnilingus, and it’s going to take a while. It takes some mental relaxation to be 100 percent comfortable with someone’s tongue down there, but any inhibitions are forgotten as soon as the pleasure starts to mount. The buildup to a clitoral orgasm is warm and tingly and muscles tense up not only in the pelvic region, but also throughout my body. The moment of orgasm is pleasure so intense that I temporarily lose control of my reflexes. The vagina contracts and my partner can feel the contractions if his fingers are inside me. My heart rate accelerates and I might not be able to help but make some noise. After the orgasm is complete, I am happy and sleepy. I’m also extremely sensitive down there afterwards, but it is possible to have a repeat performance.

If you want to sexually please a woman, give her a clitoral orgasm. Timing is up to you as a sexual couple, whether it’s foreplay, in the middle or after one partner has already finished, but if you’re not going down on her, she’s unlikely to have a mind-blowing experience. The woman also has to be able to focus on her clitoris and the sensations, so personally I don’t like it if much else is going on. I don’t need my partner to grab my boobs or finger me or alternate licking and sucking, I just need consistency in tongue pattern. Again, other women may feel differently about this, but if you are unsure as a partner, just ask what she wants. I would much rather have you try than not bother at all.

To the female readers — if you’ve been insecure or self-conscious about letting your partner perform cunnilingus on you, find someone who makes you comfortable and who looks for feedback in bed and let them try it. Once you relax and your partner has some practice, I promise you won’t regret it.

Ruth M. is a senior in the College of Industrial and Labor Relations. She can be reached at ruthm@cornellsun.com. I’m Just Gonna Shake It appears alternate Thursdays this semester.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *