By RUTH M.
One of the things that Cornellians learn here in Ithaca is that you won’t find on any syllabus is how to survive the frigid, blustery winters. Whether it’s spending $800 on a jacket that really isn’t much warmer than a much cheaper North Face jacket (I’m looking at you, Canada Goose), wearing a onesie under all your clothes (is that just me?) or skipping class to hide under your heated blanket all day, nothing beats a hot shower and some body heat. Yes, those of you who aren’t aware of what column you’re reading, I’m about to talk about shower sex.
Once you master it, shower sex can be the hottest (literally and figuratively) sex you have. The hot water is pulsing on your back, the room is full of steam, and your skin is wet and slides against your partner’s. You may feel limited in such a small space, but the fact that you’re doing it in the shower is pleasurable and adventurous enough without switching positions multiple times. Some positions depend on if you’re in a stand-up shower or a shower with a bathtub, but I’ve done it in both and thoroughly enjoyed it in both.
First of all, there are no excuses not to perform oral sex. Worried about the smell in that region? Seductively clean your partner first. Rubbing soap and hot water all over someone else is a huge turn-on for both of you, and gives you a great opportunity to put your hands all over them, including between their legs. Just make sure you rinse well to avoid the taste of soap. Then get on your knees and suck away, and you’ll have plenty of water to keep your mouth lubricated. If your partner is female, it might be easier if she sits on the edge of the bathtub for this, but it’s totally possible to do in a stand up shower too.
I find that penetration is easiest from behind, no matter the height difference between you and your partner. If you’re in a bathtub, the person receiving can place their hands on the end of the bathtub and support himself or herself while their partner enters them from behind. Picture this position as the kind of grinding that would have gotten you kicked out of a high school dance. The person entering gets the direct hot water on their back so any sweat produced while thrusting is immediately washed away, and the person receiving gets any deflected spray while performing the “Jersey Turnpike” (Jersey Shore throwback, anyone?) If you’re in a stand up shower (seriously kudos to anyone trying this in a dorm bathroom), the receiver can brace himself or herself against the wall and arch their back so that their partner may enter. If you’re short, try standing on your toes, and if you’re tall, you’re definitely going to have to bend your knees for this one, especially if you’re the penetrator. This position takes a little bit of balance, but just think of it as an added workout, making you that much more toned for the next time someone sees you naked.
Penetration from the front is only really possible if one person can hold the other against the shower wall. This definitely presents a slipping hazard, but it’s doable. As the person held up against the wall, I find it a little uncomfortable to have my vertebrae pressed against a wall, and I also have never truly trusted in the ability of my partners to hold me up on a slippery surface. However, it has been done and it’s worth a try at least for a little while if you want to switch positions while having shower sex.
After all of this aerobic activity, no one wants to clean up afterwards. The great thing about shower sex is that any ejaculate goes right down the drain, and as the post-orgasm desire for cuddling sets in, you can gently wipe each other clean, wrap up in a towel and head to the bedroom without that post-sex smell. Better yet, your sheets won’t smell like sex either. Save water, shower together.
Ruth M. is a senior in the College of Industrial and Labor Relations. She can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org. I’m Just Gonna Shake It appears alternate Thursdays this semester.