There’s something oddly exciting about anonymity. Albeit it’s extraordinarily difficult to be completely anonymous, with IP addresses and all, the simple act of covering your face in the midst of a lewd act is enough to excite me all over. Yes, I’m talking about public, but not so public, masturbation.
It all started quite early for me. My best friend Alyson and I were sexually adventurous and we would do anything for attention. She taught me how to make out with someone (yeah, she was my first real kiss). Anyways, we would always go on chat rooms on a sketchy site called StickCam (I know, as if the name wasn’t obvious enough). We would find some older guy, and soon enough his dick would pop out. We would freak out for a few seconds, but then we would actually…listen to him. He would ask us to make out with each other, which we would do. Then he would ask us to play with each other’s boobs, which we would do. I’m not really sure why that didn’t feel wrong, I was religious. I just really, really liked the fact that this dude from Indiana was jerking off, all because of me. I made him feel that way.
After that, things started to progress for me sexually. Reading erotica online used to get me off, but then it subsided, so I switched to pictures of people having sex. This really got me off, but then that also lost its effect, so I switched to watching porn. And now, porn is starting to lose its effect. It’s like I’m developing a sexual tolerance, which is totally ironic for a virgin. So what else could I do? How can I feel sexually satiated if porn isn’t doing it for me anymore and I refuse to have sex? That’s when I decided to revisit sites like Chatroulette and Omegle.
My first thought was that only creeps do this, and I am not a creep. I started by just watching guys jerk themselves off, and would slam my laptop screen whenever they started saying vulgar things. But every time I would turn off my computer, I’d want to do it all over again. And so I did. It was such an odd feeling that completely took me over. And slowly, I started to…participate. First I just flashed my boobs to a few guys, which got me really horny. They’re not used to seeing a real-life girl doing this on camera and would constantly ask me if I was fake. Then I started to take my pants off, and eventually began to masturbate on camera. The guys went fucking insane. Each time a guy saw me naked, they would finish in a matter of seconds. Of course I didn’t show my face, by my piercings and small figure were enough for them to imagine an attractive one. I started to do this in the bathroom floor of my sorority house at night every once in awhile. It just felt so good to make someone else feel good, just by looking at me. I felt so empowered, and being anonymous was secure. It was my little secret, and I could do it for hours. Each time I clicked “Next” and got a new, horny guy from Australia, I would instantly refuel and be ready to touch myself. Hell, just thinking about it is making me horny. Something about watching them watch me, and watching myself, feels so surreal that I just lose every part of me.
Yeah, I guess this wasn’t what religion meant when it talked about virginity.
The Kitten on Camera is a student at Cornell University. Sex on Thursday runs every other Thursday.