This year, Cornell made the somewhat puzzling choice of scheduling Parents’ Weekend to coincide with Halloween. Obviously, whoever it is that makes those sort of decisions has more to consider than students’ drinking schedules, but seriously?! It’s the one weekend when everyone, even that quadruple-major engineer who hasn’t left his room all semester, goes out.

There are quite a few things on the 161 things list that are age specific. By the time I started taking the list seriously at the beginning of this year, it was too late to do several of them. Luckily, my picky eating habits and a refusal to trek to the dining hall in the snow kept me from doing #107: Gain the freshman 15, pay $300 for a gym membership and don’t go. I did, however, manage to gain the junior going abroad 15, so I guess that evened itself out. #9: Take Psych 101 may as well be off limits by the time you get to senior year. 10 a.m. Friday class? Completely incompatible with my rampant senioritis.

Last Monday, I begrudgingly set out to complete the only Halloween-related item on the 161 things list — #70: Throw a flaming pumpkin into the gorge. My initial reaction to this task: What the hell? Is that even a thing? I had never heard of anyone throwing pumpkins into the gorge, nor did I understand why numerous other Halloween traditions at Cornell had been left off the list. I planned to write this column on these forgotten activities — like go to a frat Halloween party dressed as a tennis player and hook up with that guy in the hippie outfit. Or better yet, sit back and admire all the other costume-mismatched couples.

After a long night out sophomore year, I walked into Jason’s with my friends to get a snack. In a misguided attempt to curb my late-night eating, I decided that I would allow myself just one piece of bin candy. I carefully selected one red German berry, put it in a paper bag, and headed to the checkout counter to pay. (Sidenote: German berries are red and black gummies with little beads of candy / sprinkles / something on the outside. If you haven’t tried them, you should.)

I headed to Mann the Sunday before Fall Break around 3 p.m. to start on my much-procrastinated work. Of course, the parking lot was full, but I refused to park elsewhere and walk any farther than necessary in the rain, so I sat in my car and waited for someone to leave.

Last Friday, my roommates and I decided to fill our empty day with a trip to Syracuse. Though our trip was planned, I initially insisted on driving to Pyramid Mall first to say “Wow! This is severely lacking. Let’s go to Syracuse!” My tendency to run very late led my friends to prohibiting me from doing this and 100 percent completing #128: Go to the Pyramid Mall (or, Shops at Ithaca Mall, as it’s now officially called), realize it is severely lacking, then drive to Carousel Mall in Syracuse.

As it was, I managed to get rather disoriented on Dryden Road prior to leaving Ithaca and ended up arriving at the mall a good half hour after the other car in our caravan.

The 161 things list is all about getting caught. Apart from the obvious (#1: Sex in the Stacks. Duh.), there are plenty of entries that can get you into trouble. These range from the boring (#90: Males — Get Thrown out of Balch Hall) to the commonplace but always amusing (#47: Do the Walk of Shame) to the sounds fun but never going to happen because I’m too lazy (#122: Go on a Road Trip to Canada, Flirt with the Border Patrol, Smuggle Booze Back).

I’m not really sure why “Get J.A.’d for drinking in your freshman dorm” didn’t make it on the list, but there is clearly no shortage of things that you can get in trouble for at Cornell.

While scrolling through my super cool 161 things spreadsheet in a bout of procrastination at the library last week, I noticed #22: Pick apples at the Cornell Orchards. I immediately abandoned my reading and invited myself on the apple-picking outing my friends had planned for that afternoon.

Twenty minutes into the car ride, I wondered aloud why the Cornell Apple Orchards were so far away from the actual Cornell Campus. Everyone turned around to stare at me. Apparently, this had always been intended as a trip to non-Cornell owned orchards. Oh well. I’m still crossing it off the list because I did go apple picking and I’m not above cheating to complete all of the 161 things.

While this column, and my own well-being, would probably have benefited from an Orientation Week spent outdoors accomplishing any number of the 161 things which involve the gorges, I must confess that I spent most of my time inside. Rather than sitting out on a rock enjoying the last few days of summer, I wasted hours watching TV, playing on Schedulizer and sleeping.

On the first night of Orientation Week, alone and lost, I called my roommate in a tearful panic.

“Jenni, where are you?” she screamed into the phone.

“I’m lost. I can’t see you. I don’t know where I am. I think I’m about to get arrested.” I cried and ran to hide behind a bush as a police car drove past me. I was living out everyone’s worst first week of college fears. Alone, slightly intoxicated and completely disoriented — I couldn’t imagine a worse way to start off the year.

“Just look at the street signs. What do they say?”

“Um … Cook and Eddy,” I managed to spit out through my tears. There was a click at the other end of the line — I’d been hung up on.