Deckhead:

Cornell Unzipped

Body:

There’s nothing like a fraternity formal to keep you up to date on which freshman girls your exes are currently dating. No matter how over someone you might be (read: how long it’s been since you stopped checking their Facebook profile), you just can’t avoid those 30 seconds during which you look their date up and down and do the standard self-to-replacement comparison. It’s not that you’re jealous of this new person, because you don’t necessarily want what they’ve got. It’s just hard to accept that a piece of your past can be someone else’s future.

Deckhead:

Cornell Unzipped

Body:

There’s nothing like a fraternity formal to keep you up to date on which freshman girls your exes are currently dating. No matter how over someone you might be (read: how long it’s been since you stopped checking their Facebook profile), you just can’t avoid those 30 seconds during which you look their date up and down and do the standard self-to-replacement comparison. It’s not that you’re jealous of this new person, because you don’t necessarily want what they’ve got. It’s just hard to accept that a piece of your past can be someone else’s future.

Deckhead:

Vs.

Body:

On what is arguably the most depressing day of the entire year — which says a lot since I’m including prelims and the first day after Spring Break — there has only been one thing in my life that has consistently been there every year to raise my spirits.

Body:

There’s something about an entire day devoted to giving and receiving that just sits really well with me. I wish I could be one of those intellectual nonconformists who preaches about the superficiality of Hallmark cards and commercial America, but the truth is that, despite years of cultivated cynicism, inside of me lives a first-grader wearing Keds and a jumper who beams at the thought of a valentine in her cubby. While an index card in the shape of a heart and a Hershey kiss would probably not excite me the way it did my six-year-old self, I wouldn’t mind it if someone showed up with a little package — well not too little — this Valentine’s Day.

Deckhead:

Cornell Unzipped

Body:

After a week of sorority recruitment filled with sugar and spice and everything nice, I had almost forgotten what boys even looked like. Going out for the first time was like discovering a whole new species with muscles and chest hair. As the familiar scent of Axe and beer filled my nostrils, I realized that while I may not have actually seen any guys during Rush Week, they had played an integral role in the recruitment process. Despite the Panhellenic Association’s desperate efforts to hide pictures of boys and censor discussions involving them during Rush, the males of Cornell had, as usual, crept their way into the reluctant minds of its lovely ladies.

Deckhead:

Cornell Unzipped

Body:

I’ve never been very good at keeping my mouth shut. Some people find this particular aspect of my personality rather bothersome, while others are a bit more appreciative. So, to those of you who sometimes have trouble exercising your right to remain silent, I sympathize. At times, it can be hard to anticipate other people’s reactions to some of our more … let’s call them “uninhibited” statements. At these times, we would hope to be in the presence of forgiving individuals … or, at the very least, we would hope to be fully clothed. Unfortunately, outspokenness doesn’t voluntarily rest just because we’ve removed our underwear.

Deckhead:

Cornell Unzipped

Body:

It’s just not going to happen tonight. You know it isn’t. You’re deciding whether or not to fake it, but you’re really thinking about one thing. It’s the same thing that everyone thinks when you say the words “sex without orgasm”: failure.

Deckhead:

Cornell Unzipped

Body:

All of the pseudo-imaginative plot twists in the history of pornographic film combined could not compete with what I saw this weekend at a particularly frat-tastic Halloween party. I had just stopped smirking after a nurse and a mailman holding hands walked out of a bathroom stall, when a flight attendant swung the same door open, straightened her skirt and shouted, “Wait for me!” Happily reunited with her partners, the stewardess gasped and grabbed the nurse’s shoulder. “Do you know where my underwear went?” Laughing, the nurse reminded her, “You didn’t wear any tonight, silly!” The stewardess was satisfied and she and the nurse wrapped their arms around the mailman’s waist and casually strolled out of the bathroom. In fact, the nun at the sink next to mine barely noticed the whole thing.

Deckhead:

Cornell Unzipped

Body:

On our way to Jason’s for some dinner in the form of Columbo, Chloe and I were just beginning what promised to be a deep philosophical discussion. “It must suck to be a boy,” she announced. Couldn’t wait to hear this one. “I mean, no one expects us to wear diaphragms, you know?”

Deckhead:

Cornell Unzipped

Body:

When it comes to relationships, words like the G-word (girlfriend), B-word (boyfriend) and the ever-coveted, four-letter L-word (hey, don’t make me say it!) have become so taboo in our conversations that we have been forced to create ambiguous alternatives to lessen the blow of their loaded meanings. We put so much emphasis on classifying our relationships that it can actually hinder potentially rewarding ones.