There she is again. That girl that you really like. That one you have such a good rapport with, that you see every day in Libe Café when she orders an iced skim vanilla latte (this is me putting a mundane, over-ordered drink by the majority of female café customers to make a random reader think that I am writing this article solely about them … or am I?) or that you share your text message joke-of-the-day with every week at your Cornell Cheese Club Exec Board Meeting.

Who decided that titty-fucking was cool? Did Sinatra used to finish his lowball of whiskey just to take home that dame across the bar for some good ol’ slipping and sliding between a pair of tig ol’ biddies? Initial research (i.e. I did not in any way attempt to research this) has been inconclusive as to Sinatra’s inter-mammary predilections, but this I do know: Everything about titty-fucking is just plain wrong — from its name, to the act itself, to the Google Images result when I type in the term (well, actually, the search results are pretty good).

It is an honor bestowed upon few. It comes easily to some, and yet, some can never attain it over an entire lifetime. Yes, I am talking about the female orgasm.