Day (1): University President David Skorton convenes a massive meeting on Libe Slope, with every department in attendance. “The Goal,” he announces, “is to have fewer than five departments standing in 500 days. I don’t care how you guys figure this out, just do it fast!”

Day (12): After a week of timid encounters among various academics, the English department, smelling fresh meat, is the first to strike, absorbing Comparative Literature. The surprise aggression shocks the University at large.

Day (14): Inspired by their friends across the channel, German Studies prepares for battle by re-militarizing the Temple of Zeus Café.