As everyone is surely aware, the Cornell community will be celebrating Slope Day this Friday. The Slope Day Programming Board would like to wish all of you a fun and safe Slope Day and leave you with some advice:

When we come to Cornell we hear a great deal of lore,

Of courses, of parties and oh so much more.

Among all of these stories, one stands alone,

That one is Slope Day, king on a throne.

As all of our classes come to close,

Our collective love for this school most surely grows.

It’s all about hanging out with your pals,

All of the coolest Cornell guys and gals.

There’s no other day where we all get together,

Frolicking happily like birds of a feather.

So get to the Slope where fun will be had,

Really, we’re telling you, it’s totally rad.

Over the last month and half, we’ve been drinking a lot, but it hasn’t been happy drinking. It’s been filled with stress, fretting over the lack of jobs and internships, and mourning the downfall of our University’s once-robust budget. But, alas! Slope Day is near — the one day where we can drink, dance and sing along to shitty music without a care in the world. We may not have our papers done. We may not have jobs. We may not have language classes, but at least we have alcohol and Asher Roth. Without further ado, Berry Patch presents the top four people we’d like to drink with on Slope Day ...

Mary Beth Grant

Judicial Administrator

Edinburgh — This past weekend, I finally reached the age of 21, the all-so-important milestone of my college career. However, I have been quite indifferent about this myself. Now do not get me wrong, I enjoy a good drink; it is just that studying abroad in Scotland, I can already legally do that since the drinking age is 18.

In writing about this, I certainly was not going to compose the typical collegiate opinion piece whining about the drinking age with age-old arguments repeated in the billion prior articles. And while I recall and respect former columnist Mark Coombs’ defense of the teetotaler in “Turning Wine Into Water” (April 19, 2007), I do not fall into that category.

At long last, the fateful day has arrived. Yours truly is 21.

Yes, this is a big moment for all of us. But before you start clogging the phone lines offering me free drinks, let’s take a moment to reflect on what this once-in-a-lifetime event really means.

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Stop the presses! The semi-HEROIC Inter-Fraternity Council has placed a hold on open parties! No beer pong? No throngs of HEROIC freshmen earnestly seeking drinks, older dudes to make out with and, well, that’s about it? What will we ever do without HEROIC frat parties?! Oh, wait a second, what's that? The IFC has revoked the moratorium?! Hip-hip-hurray! Freshmen girls watch out — don’t drink the “Grey Goose” while on the “official house tour.”