We’ve been doing a lot of thinking about “things.” All these things, like the environment and health care and people on the street getting diseases from monkeys and pigs and birds. Who’s the weirdo that’s been touching all these sick animals? We mean, come on. They’re sick. They’ve got problems enough as it is.

So, not too content with how “things” were going, what with the temperamental economy and our joblessness and sleeplessness and everyone else’s crazy competitiveness, we decided to take happiness into our own hands the only way we know how: eating! With all these kids killing each other with guns and knives and forks, we thought, why not put all this cutlery to better use? Like, to eat pie. So we made a pie. And we think you should make one too!

There are two unavoidable truths that many people don’t tell you, and if they do, you’re bound not to take them too seriously. The first is that the more you stress, the more you spend. The second is that the more you stress — unless monitoring it greatly (which can also be another factor for stress, right?) — the crappier you eat. Because there’s no time to do otherwise, and when there is, you’re just too tired to cook something healthier.

There are two unavoidable truths that many people don’t tell you, and if they do, you’re bound not to take them too seriously. The first is that the more you stress, the more you spend. The second is that the more you stress — unless monitoring it greatly (which can also be another factor for stress, right?) — the crappier you eat. Because there’s no time to do otherwise, and when there is, you’re just too tired to cook something healthier.

Food is the body’s source of energy and nutrients, without which the human body would cease to function. Most Americans are reminded of this fact three times a day, thanks to the extensively evolved agricultural system that has developed since our transition from hunter-gatherer ways 10,000 years ago. However, the delicate state of the environment leaves the future of food production uncertain, particularly for developing nations.

While doing some research on the “magic berry,” I read an article in The New York Times called the “The Tiny Fruit that Tricks the Tongue.” The authors Patrick Farrel and Kassie Bracken stated that one woman claimed Tabasco sauce tasted just like doughnut glaze after eating the small fruit. Excited about this remarkable story, I went to the “Flavor Tripping” event anticipating an eccentric night of wild taste testing. I was anxious to experience the effects of this berry for myself, hoping to walk away with a novel taste-altering experience I could boast about to my friends and family back home. Yet, to my utter disappointment, I must sadly admit that there can be no boasting over this berry.