This is an updated version of an article that originally was printed on Oct. 19

“For all intents and purposes, McCain’s campaign is over. The physicians have pulled up the sheet, the executors of the estate are taking over. Paying bills and winding down—not strategizing, organizing, and getting the message out—will be the order of the day.”

Thus spake Charlie Cook, veteran political prophet and publisher of the widely read Cook Report. It’s a common sentiment among political observers two weeks before Election Day, as Barack Obama increasingly projects an aura of inevitability while John McCain increasingly channels Bob Dole.

While investors on Wall Street and Joe Six-Packs on Main Street continue to fret about the current state of the international economy, my focus has turned to the Cornell Athletic Department and its lack of both sound financial judgment in determining hockey ticket prices and of mathematical fairness in choosing line numbers.

If this crisis on Cornell’s campus somehow became a core issue with voters in swing states, and I moderated a debate between Barack Obama and John McCain, I think it would play out like this:

Alva: Good evening from Bailey Hall on the campus of Cornell University in Ithaca, New York; I'm Mitchell Alva. Welcome to this fourth presidential debate, sponsored by the Commission on Presidential Debates.

Laura Martin | Guest Room

Some people like John McCain. I have gotten your attention with a disruptive exclamation … rather like shouting “sex!” in a quiet room. Let’s be honest, the 2004 election wasn’t nearly this interesting. The prospect of another four years of Bush seemed ominous and slightly annoying, but there was nothing to be feared but more-of-the-same. Besides, the only real opposition to the inept incumbent was an unpalatable beneficiary of the ketchup dynasty.

“Don’t try to understand ’em, just rope, pull and brand ’em.”

So goes the theme song to the classic early television show Rawhide, about a seemingly endless cattle drive through the Old West, which included a young Clint Eastwood as drover Rowdy Yates.

A maverick, of course, is a term originally applied to an unbranded cattle, or a person unbought, unbossed and unbeholden to anyone but his or herself. The term dates to Sam Maverick, a 19th century Texas rancher, and his decision to buck tradition and leave his cattle unbranded.

After an exhausting and masturbatory twenty month long election cycle, thank god the end is finally in sight. Obama and McCain are approaching the last mile of this marathon, and despite a flurry of new attacks and policy proposals, Obama has cleared the hurdles placed before him.

Last week, presidential candidate John McCain choked on a big fat Viagra pill. From the comfort of my own home, I watched in horror as the dear old geezer coughed and stuttered, his cheeks flushed and his doe eyes brimming with confusion and panic.

They say the greatest sign of insanity is when you repeat an action over and over, expecting different outcomes. Once again, (this time during the second presidential debate), McCain was asked to account for his tacit approval of health insurance companies who cover Viagra for men but not birth control for women.

He’s made the mistake before. But maybe he figured that blabbering like an idiot … again … when asked the question would make the big bad journalists go away for good.

MAVERICK. MAVERICK.

We are less than three weeks away from Elec­tion Day. In the longest presidential campaign in Amer­ican history, 15 primary candidates became two presidential hopefuls: Sen. Barack Obama and Sen. John McCain. At this point in time, a typical campaign analyst would presume both platforms would have been well articulated, challenged, and disseminated in the presidential debates. But this is not a typical campaign, and that does not seem to be the case. In the midst of bemused moderators and citizens it is important to ask, what have we learned from Obama and McCain in the debates?