Guys masturbate like all the time. It’s probably why they seem more relaxed and less desperate to find a relationship. However, masturbation shouldn’t be viewed as a dude-only domain. If more women took the time to get to know the ins and outs of their vaginas, we would live in a world filled with more equality and less crazy bitches.

A column would never be written teaching guys how to rub one out — a testament to how important it is for women to understand their bodies in order to gain equality in the bedroom. A guy knows what he wants and exactly how to get it. Generally, the same cannot be said for girls. Learning how to pleasure yourself is the first step in the right direction.

It’s 11:00 on a Tuesday night. Ensconced in the velour of my most comfortable robe, I lounge about my sofa, soothed by Burt Bacharach’s mellow tenor. Scented candles bathe my room in muted light and aromas of French vanilla. My roommate is at his girlfriend’s, and I have the place all to myself. The mood is perfect for my date with myself.