How long have you had that cough? Does the pain get worse when you lie down?

Well, we’re here to help. If not by diagnosing your problem, exactly, then by providing you with some interesting — and I hope valuable — facts, stories and information about your health.

If you’re looking for some free medical advice this fall, look no further. “What’s Up, Doc?” — a new column written by a rotating cast of Weill Cornell medical students — will answer all your medically related questions.

Weill Cornell? Yes, Weill Cornell Medical College, Cornell University’s medical school located on the Upper East Side of Manhattan.

When people say, “All Asians look alike,” I honestly can’t blame them because, well, all Asians look alike to me too. In fact, freshman year I made my OL group ten times more awkward than it already was by mistakenly thinking I had already met one of the Asian girls in the group.

My OL leader had just picked me up from my dorm and introduced me to everyone. When the girl reached out her hand to shake mine, I waved her hand away and cheerfully said, “Oh, I just met you!”

The group fell into a deeper silence and maybe into a state of shock. Oh, crap. A terrible realization dawned on me — she wasn’t the same Asian girl that I had just met in my dorm building. She frowned and dropped her hand to her side.

“Well,” she said after a pause. “That was awkward.”

Over the past few weeks, almost 20,000 students have descended upon Ithaca, moving into new dorm rooms and apartments, making multiple trips to Target and lugging textbooks from the bookstore. For the most part, we have been greeted by local residents warmly: a bright smile from the clerk at the registrar or a friendly “welcome back” from our favorite barista at CTB. But not all Ithaca residents are as warm or welcoming.

In last year’s “Best of Ithaca” survey by the Ithaca Times, respondents were asked to name the “best thing that should happen to Ithaca.” The second response listed was “get rid of half the college students.”

Cum Laude. Latin translation: with honor. The epitome of scholarly distinction. The acme of a superbly-executed undergraduate career.

With this semester winding down, a select group of seniors are laboring over final theses, fine-tuning lab reports and opening the doors to culminating performances — all with the hopes of securing those two striking Latin words (three if they are lucky: Magna Cum Laude, “with great honor,” or Summa Cum Laude, “with highest honor.”)

Others are sitting tight with the knowledge that, with their 3.5 GPA, they have already nailed it — and that they have done so without having bothered with any of that tiresome thesis / lab / performance work.

How much is an honors distinction worth at Cornell?

People put a lot of weight on last words.

So I’m going to do it too, running the incredible risk of doing something that’s been done before — something that a columnist must never under any sane circumstances do — because I’m in an altered state of mind. Altered, mind you, because of words. I watched the sunrise through the blinds and I have yet to go to sleep and it is all words’ fault.

Under sane circumstances, I myself am fascinated by the idea — what are the last, and I mean the Last, words I want to spend my ultimate breath on? The ones that will just hang there, in the air, until someone opens a window or maybe writes them down and they live on, for a little longer at least?

This is a critical time in the life of our University to recognize how far we have come in creating a diverse and inclusive community, but also a time when we must face squarely the long distance we still have to travel. In the wake of our commemoration of the 40th anniversary of The Straight Takeover, I feel compelled to elaborate on my commitment to diversity by sharing some thoughts about what we aim to achieve and how we will know if we are successful. I also want to alert you to some upcoming opportunities to engage the administration and other Cornellians on this set of issues.

This Spring Break, my last as a Cornell undergrad, was simply too brief. And now I have no choice — Graduation Day is staring me implacably in the eye. In a few short weeks — I already wish it were longer — I will bid our dear Ithacan icebox a fond farewell.

In keeping with my pensive mood, a swarm of “what ifs” presses incessantly on my mind. What if I had joined a different circle of friends? What if I had chosen a different major? What if I had stayed true to my high school vow to never get overcommitted in college (… and look how well that turned out …). After all, over the course of one’s college career, who wouldn’t wish one could change a decision or two or three?

“If we are to continue to lead, we must continue to seek and nurture exceptional talent without regard to gender, race, ethnicity, nationality, sexual orientation, socioeconomic status or other characteristics that too often divide us.”

—“An Update on Gender Equality,” President Skorton, The Sun, March 9

I doubt President Skorton’s reaffirmation of meritocracy came as a surprise to anyone. Indeed, such is expected from the president of a major academic institution. Puzzling, however, are his further comments on the state of the University.

Last week in Washington Square Park, New York University learned that its students were no longer content with forming Facebook groups and holding discussions to enumerate their complaints with the university. NYU students took hold of Kimmel Student Center, engaging the campus in a protest that included, at times, roughly 70 demonstrators, to promote the idea of socially responsible investment.

According to endowmentethics.org, “Socially responsible investing (SRI) empowers shareholders to use their assets for positive change. SRI encourages investors to consider the social and environmental consequences of a given investment, as a factor equally important to, and reflective of, the investment’s financial performance.”

The University announced on Friday that it would terminate its business relationship with Russell Athletics due to concerns over labor violations and anti-union practices. While we applaud the decision of the University, the decision is largely due to the efforts of student groups and recent activism. The University should have the responsible foresight to sever ties with violating companies before students rise up in protest.