Op-Ed
Love the One You're With
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Walking Backwards
February 14, 2007 - 2:01amIt was poet and essayist James Russell Lowell who once said, “If Ithaca’s scenery will not make a young lady romantic, there is no hope for her in this world.” Take note, Cornellians — if February’s lovely combination of ice, salt and mud doesn’t make your young lady amorous, you may want to reconsider your long-term relationship plans.
In a rather improbable coincidence, I have the rare fortune of authoring a column on Valentine’s Day for the second straight year. The history of Cornell University is full of all types of love stories, from the famous (see last year’s column on librarian Willard Fiske and Jennie McGraw) to the infamous (Nabokov’s Lolita, anyone?).
However, if there’s one love that’s perfect for celebrating on February 14th, it’s a love for Cornell University itself.
Now, you may consider an Ivy League university a poor substitute for an actual human being, but you’d be surprised at the benefits of loving Cornell.
Don’t believe me?
Allow me to present Ten Reasons Why Cornell University Should Be Your Valentine:
1. She’s Available
No more worrying about finding someone who isn’t already attached on this Valentine’s Day. Sure, Cornell may get around — she’s a transnational university, after all — but that doesn’t mean she won’t find time for you. Cornell is open to casual relationships, but she’s glad to get a little more intimate if you’re willing to make the commitment.
2. She’s Smart
How many of your past Valentines have had the collective knowledge of over 20 libraries and more than seven million books? And how many were familiar with the Human Sexuality Collection in Kroch Library? When you’re with someone who knows something about “instruction in any study,” you need not worry about finding a conversation topic. She welcomes the exchange of ideas.
3. She’s Experienced
Cornell may be young compared to some of her peers, but she’s still in the triple digits. Age means wisdom, grace and experience. Just because she’s older than your grandparents doesn’t mean she can’t be your Valentine. “Open Hearts, Open Minds,” remember? Cornell has persevered through the decades and has continued to develop over time, never letting her curiosity or willingness to learn new things fade away.
4. She’s Hot
Actually, that’s an outright lie. As I write this column, it’s a chilly 10 degrees outside; and as you read this, there’s probably two feet of snow outside. But at least she has a nice personality … Although, on a scale of pure physical attractiveness, Cornell fares quite well. Have you seen some of her architecture? And if it bothers you, you can put a bag over Uris Hall.
5. She’s Appreciative
No, she probably won’t care about a box of chocolate or a dozen roses, but there are plenty of gifts you could give to Cornell on Valentine’s Day. It’s the simple things that go a long way. Recycle your newspaper. Wipe the mud off your feet before entering class. Put your silverware in the proper tub in the dining hall. If you’re a senior, take the time to pay your class dues and donate to the senior class campaign. These contributions will go farther than a few flowers ever would, and I think Cornell would agree.
6. She’s Talented
Not many dates can be comfortable with any recreational activity you might choose for Valentine’s Day. But Cornell can swing dance, enjoy the theater, sing, write poetry, cook an amazing dinner and play 36 different varsity sports. I hear she can even perform neurosurgery if that’s your kind of thing.
7. She’s Independent
True, she may get a little cash from sugar daddy New York State, but Cornell is fiercely independent at heart. She’s always been a bit of a rebel, and she’s not afraid to speak her mind.
8. She’s Loyal
Through the good times and the bad, Cornell will (almost) always stay faithful. Even if you’ve earned failing grades on your last couple prelims, I’m betting that Cornell will give you another chance. And another failing grade. Some call it tough love. I say she just has high standards. But even if you leave her, she’ll keep on sending you letters.
9. She’s Famous
Ever wanted to date a celebrity? Now’s your chance. Most people get only 15 minutes of fame, but Cornell is well on her way to 15 decades. Who will remember Paris Hilton in 2157?
10. She’s Delicious
Have you been to the Dairy Bar or the Cornell Orchards? ’Nuff said.
So there you have it. The woman of your dreams has been right in front of you all this time. Although the alma mater Oedipus complex is a little disturbing — as the Latin scholars will tell you, “alma mater” translates to “nourishing mother” — it’s worth overlooking on at least this one special day of the year.
I wish you all a delightful Valentine’s Day. Whether you love or hate the so-called “Hallmark holiday,” use the opportunity to brighten someone’s day with a brief note or a few kind words. And if you need a date for a romantic evening, I hear Cornell’s open 24 hours a day. You can probably find her in the library.
Corey Earle is a senior in the College of Agriculture and Life Sciences. He can be reached at cre8@cornell.edu. Walking Backwards appears alternate Wednesdays.