Op-Ed
I Just Spent $40,000 and All I Got Was This Lousy Speaker
Southern Style
Southern Style
After four years of hard work, seniors get to celebrate this spring and move on to the next chapter in their lives. And as a send-off, Cornell University has brought in an inspirational, motivational, accomplished convocation speaker to give them advice and impart wisdom on the maturing young adults. Yes, Cornell is proud to present the recently demoted, but still extremely successful and talented teleprompter-reading Soledad O’Brien as this year’s convocation speaker.
Are you kidding me? When I graduated high school, the student council thought they were brilliant because they landed Patch Adams —yes the real Patch Adams, clown nose and hippie hair in all. What followed at graduation was a 60 minute diatribe condemning the troops in Iraq and complaining about government after thousand of troops had just been deployed. He left pitying my classmates and me for having to enter this cruel world. Why can’t we all just play guitars, smoke the hookah and make peace and love?
Wowzers, I thought. This guy is good! And while Patch got little applause from the two thousand deep crowd, he was extremely motivational — because everyone was motivated to get the hell out of the stadium to the after party. That day I was never happier to be entering the Ivy League; a new echelon that provided accomplished mentors and speakers that challenge you to aspire to their status. That day I dreamt of my commencement from Cornell and the honored speaker I would have to listen to at graduation.
It turns out my dreams have been shattered. Instead of having a former president, cabinet member or an accomplished and successful news anchor we get the one that was just demoted. Yes, parents, gather ’round. Your $40,000 a year got your child a world-class education and on their shining moment, the day representing the culmination of all the hard work and bank loans, we reward them by bringing in a world-class anchor. Dan Rather? No, he’s going up the road to Siena College. But he’s no good anyways, he just retired. Katie Couric? Sorry, she’s speaking at Williams. Lets get picky — a minority speaker who is also female. Oprah Winfrey? Our pockets aren’t that deep (but Howard University’s certainly are!).
That’s not fair though. We should be comparing ourselves with other Ivies. Penn, for example, is getting the former Secretary of State James Baker. Yale had Anderson Cooper last year. Dartmouth has the Secretary of the Treasury Henry Paulson, Jr. and Harvard has Bill Clinton and Bill Gates! Come on, share the Bills!
While Cornell is so caught up in raising its rankings for prospective students, it should take a step back and think of the ones that are already here. This is the second year in a row that our speaker has been less than pedestrian. While other schools use this time of year to illustrate their pull and status, Cornell is losing ground which doesn’t even make sense from its point of view. If Cornell wants donations from graduates’ families, does it really think getting an unflattering speaker to serenade them the last time they’re on campus will help?
Though the speaker is once again disappointing, my Cornell experience has been the opposite. I have been fortunate to attend an excellent university and meet amazing people while doing so. Despite being a senior, I am returning to campus next fall to pursue an additional major. Lucky for you juniors (and all you online readers), you will be able to enjoy and enlighten yourself to Southern Style for another semester.
My friends, however, are moving on to the next chapter in their lives. While I will still have the famous “floorton” for them to crash on when they visit, this marks the end of a four year euphoria. What follows are shout outs, and advanced apologies to anyone I forget, I have limited space.
First off, to the Sunnies. From Freda getting me involved my freshman year to Erica, Erica and Morisy. The Sun has been a huge part of my life, and I thank you all for it. Oh, and Brian Tsao (meow meow).
My friends. The original Donlon crew and then some. Gary, Blue, Dennis, Ben, Z-man, Wang, Jared, Eric, Steve and Hanoch — here’s to Mayhem, World Series, Six-Pack Thursdays, intramurals, rope swings, Hilton Head trips and always being there for each other. Duck, take care of my brother. My girl Kat — you’re so money you don’t even know it.
Mom and Dad, you are the greatest. Thank you for all your love and support, you’re the epitome of what it means to be a family. Babci, CB and Spoon Bread et al —thank you for the family away from home, you helped more than you know. Nicole —you are an amazing girl and I’m so proud of you (welcome friends!). Toby, float on friend. Chris, you’re the man, and I’m honored to have another year with you. We’re going to rock the casbah with Chad.
To the rest of you, thank you so much for entertaining me alternate Wednesdays by reading my column. I have tried to bring you a novel perspective, and I have gotten overwhelmingly positive feedback. I look forward to writing for you for another semester. Best of luck in the future, seniors, and check back into Southern Style next semester. The Chix & Friends are out.
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Better than Danny Glover
Cornell is going to have a hard time topping the graduation of 2002, when Danny Glover was chosen as the commencement speaker. Now he's best friends with Hugo Chavez. The years before 2002 included Archbishop Desmond Tutu and Janet Reno, and the year after was Bill Clinton.