Op-Ed
The Tao of Barnaby
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For those of you who are a little foggy on what Tao means exactly, this column is pretty much about what I’ve learned from my dog, Barnaby (a ruby-colored Cavalier King Charles Spaniel) but I deemed that too unsophisticated for a column title.
I heard a rumor that part of the 12-step program is that you can only have a (romantic) relationship with another person if you can first keep a plant alive for some substantial period of time and then keep a pet alive. So, I tried to do a little research on this urban myth and came across a whole bunch of 12-step literature, which basically espouse the importance of God. I had no idea that the fundamentalists got ahold of the winos — it hardly seems fair to force feed religion when someone is recovering from a serious addiction.
All this aside, I think having a pet is extremely enlightening. And I firmly believe everyone should have a dog before they have a baby: or maybe people should just have dogs instead of having babies. Another class of people who would greatly benefit from getting a dog— and I know because I am part of this group — are people with OCD. Obsessive compulsives are compelled to create an artificial sense of control over their worlds by following certain stringent regiments and habits, which they fear to break. Having a dog forces you to accept that a) there are a lot of germs in the world and there is NO way you are ever going to escape them all and b) you can’t control everything.
There are many, many other things having a dog can teach you. For example:
✔ If you are too self-absorbed you will end up with a big pile of shit in your living room. OK, let me clarify — when you have a dog and you get so wrapped up in something that you forget to take the dog out (once every few hours) then the dog will crap on your living room floor. This is not a very elegant metaphor for the big stinky messes that you create when you are too self-absorbed. I know this from personal experience.
✔ Every relationship is about dominance. Dogs are pretty open about immediately establishing who is dominant and who is submissive in a coupling. If two dogs compete for dominance it can get really ugly (as with humans). Also, these boundaries have to be constantly re-evaluated and re-established. The under-dog is constantly vying for a more superior position in the pack, while the top dog is trying to maintain his/her hegemony. I think humans tacitly indulge in this type of rivalry and competition as much as dogs do.
✔ Once bitten, twice shy. OK, we could really learn from our canine companions on this one. If Barnaby has been attacked by another dog, he damn well steers clear of that dog if he ever encounters him on the street again. He is not malicious or nasty to that dog, but he usually bee-lines it to the other side of the street or he hides between my legs. He has no shame in protecting himself. But as humans, we feel compelled, often, to keep reaching out to the mouth that has bitten us. It is very perverse. We want to make that nasty dog our friend so we will feel accepted or something. But sometimes there are just nasty dogs out there and no matter how nice you are they will keep biting you. So for goodness sakes, swallow your pride and B-line it to the other side of the street if you see a mean nasty dog-person.
✔ Men are NOT dogs! You know the old saying that “men are dogs.” Well, that is totally untrue. Dogs are far superior! I think that saying gives dogs a bum wrap. Dogs are loving and loyal — is that what is meant by the adage “men are dogs?” Perhaps it is the saying is referring to the fact that dogs hump everything in sight, but actually Barnaby is quite fastidious. He only humps Leanna’s leg, Jack’s hand, Mooki’s head and his stuffed lantern toy. Yes, it is a stuffed toy that is in the shape of a lantern. Considering all of the dogs, humans and stuffed toys he interacts with everyday, I would say that this small collection of people/dogs/objects he desires is pretty minimal.
✔ Regular exercise is crucial to keeping your sanity. As intellectuals, we often ignore the needs of our bodies. Barnaby goes completely bananas if he doesn’t have at least one long walk a day, preferably two. Having a dog forces you to get some much needed exercise.
✔ Food and sleep are the greatest luxuries in life — indulge. Actually, I knew this long before I got a dog. Although as Americans, I generally think we do a pretty good job of eating, I have a feeling we do not do a very good job of sleeping — especially on college campuses. Folks, Adderall is NOT the answer. There’s nothing like good old-fashioned sleep. In fact, I think that there is a class you can take here at Cornell about how important sleep is. Barnaby spends much of the day and night sleeping and I think he is very wise. There is nothing I love better than curling up on the couch with my dog and taking a good solid nap.
✔ It is dangerous to be in a long-term relationship with somebody significantly better looking than you. Yes, I learned this from my dog. I know it is bad to say that I’m uglier than a dog, but considering how incredibly cute Barnaby is … it’s not an exaggeration. So, when I first got Barnaby and he was an adorable tiny puppy, I got a lot more people checking me out. Then I realized they weren’t checking me out, but rather my dog! Even grown men couldn’t resist the cuddly Mr. B. It was quite disheartening, but I have grown to accept it.
✔ Paris Hilton and the Girls Next Door can’t be completely soulless. I believe that anyone who has the patience to have a dog can’t be entirely evil. I haven’t actually done research on this, but did Hitler or Stalin have a dog? I don’t think Bush has a dog, but then again Reagan did … so that may throw this theory out the window.
Claire Readhead is a senior in the College of Arts and Sciences. She can be contacted at creadhead@cornellsun.com Silk Blue Stockings appears alternate Mondays.
Oh, come ON! How can an
Oh, come ON! How can an adult who even remotely follows the news not know that the Bush family has dogs?
And yes, Hitler owned dogs. They loved him.
By the way, Paris Hilton got rid of her first Chihuhua when it got too large.