Along with being at the top of his class, the stereotypical Cornell-bound high school senior enjoyed the perks of being at the top of his “game.” He could easily impress the younger girl(s) of his choice and had suddenly become the only age-appropriate dating option for his graduating female counterparts. When he was told that 13,655 students attend Cornell each year, what he actually heard was “6,828 girls to pick from.” What his pre-Ivy League education did not help him realize was that for every eager freshman boy like himself on Cornell’s campus, there are three older, more accomplished and experienced upperclassmen competing to attract those same girls.

These girls, most of whom spent the previous year confined to overconfident and overly hormonal high school seniors, are not unaware of the freshman boy’s predicament. There are those who think of it as karma, and view their newly-acquired upper hand as a blessing for revenge sent from above. And there are those who are just impressed by their own ability to attract older guys. However, most choose to simply accept that the boys their own age are no longer ideal dating partners, and explore other, older options. They embrace their new and powerful positions as decision-makers, accepting the advances (read: pregame invites) of those broad-shouldered, five-o’clock-shadowed upperclassmen and rejecting those from the scrawnier, dorkier freshman boys so desperately vying for their attention.

Then, just as suddenly as before, another shift occurs and how the mighty have fallen. The freshman boys from the previous year, who had spent a year frustrated with rejection, are sick and tired of being viewed as nothing more than “freshman boys” and are, incidentally, no longer freshman, at all. They have evolved into more experienced sophomores of whom the next generation of freshman girls just can’t get enough. Written into the list of perks of the sophomore boy’s job description is his unlimited access to the new crop of freshman girls, whether through his fraternity membership or his T.A.ing the easy introductory courses he read the TakeNote for last year.

Meanwhile, spreading like mono at a band camp (trust me, I’ve got a flute-playing sister) is an epidemic which ails sophomore girls all over this campus, and what I have come to diagnose as Maybe-I-Misjudged-Him Syndrome. The most common symptom of this tragic illness becomes evident in the event that one of its victims befriends one of her younger replacements. The freshman girl enthusiastically tells what transpired the night before between her and “a really hot frat guy.” As the freshman girl describes in vivid detail how he Facebook-friended her and they “texted back and forth like all night,” the sophomore reconsiders her previous position on age-equivalent dating. Unfortunately for the now-wiser sophomore girl, the boys she is re-evaluating are happily reigning their pimpdom.

It would seem to the skeptic that the sophomore girls simply missed the boat in this undoubtedly over-generalized scenario, and should occupy themselves with other aspects of college life. Perhaps they should join a team, become an engineer or learn how to knit.

But, despite his recently acquired status as frat guy slash game-spitting expert, the Cornell sophomore male still possesses at least a shred of moral fiber. After the initial excitement of attracting freshman girls with little more than a mere “Can I get you a Jungle Juice,” comes … wait for it … maturity! Caution: this process may take longer with some than with others. Nonetheless, guys at Cornell, who have learned that they get the best results when they study and work hard, eventually get to the point where they like to earn things rather than being handed them on a word-slurring, 10-minutes-from-puking platter.

And after having gone through a year watching their girl friends get chased around by older guys, and getting shot down by freshman girls more interested in attending a fraternity formal than a dorm room pregame, the guys generally come to view the girls their own age as hard-to-get. While initially guys might enjoy a North Campus buffet, sooner or later the novelty of the easy pick-up wears off. With their maturity comes a sense of appreciation for finer things like wine that’s been aged to perfection and girls with more experience than their high school prom nights.

Looking back, the whole power struggle thing might seem like a big waste of time, and it’s easy to wish that we could all just skip over it entirely. But, really, growing up is half the fun. The maturity would never have happened without those years of naïvity. So, when next you see a freshman girl taking a walk of shame back to Donlon or a sophomore boy eyeing a pre-frosh who is tasting beer for the first time, realize that it’s all part of the process. For the sake of all of the frustrated freshman boys and regretful sophomore girls out there, let’s not try to push through immaturity too fast and wait, at the very least, until tomorrow.

Nikki Nussbaum is a junior in the College of Agriculture and Life Sciences. She can be contacted at nnussbaum@cornellsun.com. Cornell Unzipped appears alternate Mondays.