Op-Ed
The Pax Cornellia: An Ode to Thanksgiving
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Agree to Disagree
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Tomorrow we depart from house and from dorm
From a long autumnal season, too globally warm
Came the first flake of snow just a few days ago
And whence we return, winter’s pain we shall know
Yet on the Eve of Thanksgiving, there’s good news to tell ya …
… after those rocky Lehman years, we’re amidst Pax Cornellia:
We can be thankful, most of all, for our global expansion
No locale’s too far from Skorton’s Cayuga Heights mansion
He’s jetsetting to China, making moves in Qatar,
The Big Red Empire is extending afar!
And while we’re at it, let’s say thanks for our budding endowment
We’ve got much more cash than we’ve up-until-now spent:
Last June we had but four-point-three billion in the bank
And now we’ve got five-and-a-half, with Sandy Weill to thank!
Others besides dear Sanford have made our treasury not teeny
We musn’t forget ex-anonymous donor Chuck Feeney —
who, over 25 years, gave 600 million or more —
without a hall named in his honor, what little he asked for!
Still, problems abound for old Uncle Ez
That is, if you believe what the Daily Sun says…
One Ivy League colleague we needn’t thank this year
Is Penn, whose football team, on Saturday, kicked us in the rear
45-9 they trounced us, bringing our record quite low
To 2-5 in the Ivies — some few wins to show
Nor shall we be thankful for an ugly face that’s here been reared
It’s the unhappy guise of racism, which of late we have feared
From Ithaca public schools, come reports of slurs and abuse
While the scene at D.P. Dough reminded some of the Jena Six noose
Then they’re our thickheaded leaders, the much-scorned S.A.
Who, in lieu of doing any actual work, put its bellicosity on display
They played a game of chicken with the Class Councils over nickels and dimes
So one doubts they’ll share turkey in these most quarrelsome times
Nor shall we bless this season’s team of on-campus recruiters
By ridiculing our interviewing skills, only their own horns they tooted!
The i-banks took potshots at the House of Skorton
Making many wish that they’d been accepted at Wharton
Around Jameson, High Rise 5 and the other sub par dorms
Another creature threatens Cornell’s newfound peaceful norms
They’re the villainous bed bugs, and much ire they’ve aroused
As freshmen circulate a petition to be more adequately housed
And most of all, no thanks to the pesky columnist here named
In every article he writes, it seems that someone’s defamed
Doesn’t he know you can’t lampoon everyone you wish, man?
No thanks to you — screw you, Rob Fishman!
Rob Fishman is a senior in the College of Arts and Sciences. He can be contacted at rbfishman@cornellsun.com. Agree to Disagree appears Tuesdays.