Op-Ed
Wanna Watch a Movie?
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Bedroom Eyes
Bedroom Eyes
January 17, 2008 - 12:00amlove the guys at Cornell. They’re fantastic. In fact, despite my vast anthology of stories referencing men I’ve encountered that don’t quite do it for me, I get really defensive when girls whine about the selection of dudes our campus offers or the alleged crappiness of Cornell’s dating scene.
Memo to you: just because you’re not getting asked out on dates doesn’t mean they no longer occur, nor do you hold any evidence that there exists some apparent defect that has manifested itself in every single dude around here. Face it, ladies: the quality of the males you’re surrounded with at Cornell, for the most part, is top-tier. As a student here, you have access to literally thousands of guys that are generally well-read, ambitious and pre-screened for intelligence (albeit not necessarily for maturity, but you can’t win ’em all) — and they’re all packed into a 5.5 square-mile area for your convenience. And yet, you’re still complaining because none of them are asking you to dinner. They’ll have sex with you, sure; but you’re yearning for the flowers, candy, spooning and soulwrenching romance type shit and you won’t stop ranting about it. Somewhere behind those CoverGirl-painted eyes of yours, some sort of Sex-and-the-City-fied logic has led you to the conclusion that dates don’t even happen anymore. Ever.
O.K., no. The date did not suddenly vanish with the arrival of the new millennium and — I promise you — courtship has not become a thing of the past. Oh, also: you are definitely doing something wrong.
“What ever happened to the date?” Not a damn thing. You’re in college; people have stuff going on. I might know why you’re not getting asked out on dates, though, so keep reading.
“Why do guys always ask me to come over and watch a movie at 1 a.m.?” Well, I’m going to go ahead and venture a guess here: probably because they want to have sex with you. At the very least, it means you’re a hottie. Take it as a compliment and consider it your cue to dab on a little lip gloss and make kissy faces at yourself in the mirror, you sassy minx.
“But why won’t he just take me out to dinner?” Because dinner costs money, buttercup. If he doesn’t ask you on a date (or at least make the effort to talk to you online for more than five minutes before asking you to come over for said movie [sex]), then he’s likely just not into you. Or he’s an asshole. These things happen. If he doesn’t care why you chose Cornell over Northwestern or how much you miss your cat, he’s not going to relinquish his precious time and money to hear about it at the Boatyard. He probably won’t care about that stuff after you have sex with him either, just so you know. Well, that is unless he made the extra special effort to Facebook-stalk you to find out which Will Ferrell movie is your favorite and then invited you over to watch it — in that situation, maybe he’s just awkward or is acutely aware that his table manners will repulse you in a hot second so he doesn’t want to eat around you. But no, in most of these cases, he just wants to eat you.
But take note! For every guy who asks you over for sex at 1 a.m., there is probably a guy living next door that would totally leave flowers on your doorstep. Or a guy who would send you a really sweet text message before a bad prelim or bring you coffee in the middle of the night just because you’re up studying. It’s not unheard of. It’s even happened to me, believe it or not.
“But where are those guys hiding? I’m at Johnny O’s every night and I haven’t had one good catch.” Where did all your friends meet their boyfriends? I’d be willing to bet most of those fairytale romances didn’t blossom from the two of them meeting while grinding to a Kanye West song where either party was wearing something with sequins. Scope out your classes, your extracurriculars, the hot newspaper editor — if you want an Audrey Hepburn-movie romance, try casting your male lead at a place where the stage floor is not polished with tequila, sour mix and vom.
But sure. Be bitter and complain, ladies. I mean, I feel you — I’ve had my share of traumatizing dating experiences with boys here. I’ve been groped like an 8th grader, I’ve been rejected, I’ve been stalked and I’ve been dumped in spectacular fashion. I’ve been asked into a relationship via Facebook and have been on a couple of dates so awful that I’d probably rather have spent those evenings watching birth control commercial marathons with my father (by the way, isn’t that egregiously awkward when you and your dad are sitting there and a Yasmin ad comes on? No? Just me? O.K.) I’ve been where you are.
But stop bitching. Think about the times you’ve rejected someone, whether it was the grad student who offered to buy you a G&T at Rulloff’s or the sweet but dorky guy on your dorm floor who asked you to join him for coffee at Libe Café. How many times have you forced a guy to carry the conversation as he tried desperately to get to know you? Maybe you’ve led a guy on when you’ve had a boyfriend or hooked up with someone on a booze-soaked fraternity floor before giving him a false phone number (hey, we were all freshmen once). You’re sketchy, too, you know, and sometimes not that nice. I know I’ve been a total bitchbag to a guy for no reason. For instance, one time I woke up with a guy, both of us hung over with total cotton-mouth, and I refused to share my Diet Coke with him. He looked all sad-puppy at me as I guzzled the one non-alcoholic liquid in my house and I rather enjoyed it, to be honest. He did not ask me to go to brunch with him.
And consider the bars. There are few things more intimidating to a dude than a group of five or six of us in our cute tops and killer heels. Then there’s you with your cell phone out, furiously texting someone else and looking entirely unapproachable. For that guy in your Italian class who recognizes you but has never spoken to you, it takes some platinum-grade balls to saunter up to you and strike up a conversation. So, you know, maybe you should applaud him for his confidence instead of assuming he’s a total sack of semen who just wants to splooge on your face. Maybe he wanted to ask you out on a date? Too bad you just shut him down.
Come on, Cornell guys don’t whine about us, and they’re generally pretty appreciative and respectful. Hell, they should be: they’re some of the luckiest guys in the world — they’re surrounded by some of the most talented, ambitious, beautiful college women in the country … but they know that, I’m sure.
Please, talented, ambitious, beautiful Cornell ladies: take advantage of the brilliant, hard-working guys who roam the sidewalks of our fair campus while you still can. Once you get out into the “real world,” a staggering amount of dudes you will encounter wear trucker hats and don’t know the difference between your and you’re. Put down your vat of Tasti for 30 seconds and just think about what I’m saying.
And look, I’m certainly not the hottest girl at this school, but I have been asked out on dates because I’m friendly, carry myself with confidence and I love to laugh. You can’t blame guys for not asking you out if you’re complaining all the time — what kind of guy wants to be in the company of a bitter chick who pigeonholes him as a jerk before he even opens his mouth? If the Cornell girl whines about how the Cornell guy never asks her on dates, then the dude will spend his time not asking her out on dates because she’s being a whiny bitch. Got that?
So here’s today’s dating tip (something that may land you an actual date and not just some ween): put on your cute earrings and your pretty smile and try being nice, friendly and open-minded. It really is that simple.
Jenna B. is a senior. She can be contacted at opinion@cornellsun.com. Bedroom Eyes appears alternate Thursdays.
Alumni Point of View
Coming from an ex-fraternity guy who has definitely been there (and had his fair share)--trust me, this girl seems to know what she's talking about. Ladies, I'd quit my complaining and put myself out there--just think about it, when you're sitting in class texting someone or at "Johnny O's" looking for your prince charming (c'mon you're not going to meet a quality dude at a bar at 1am wasted on a Tuesday night) typing away on your cell phone to your ex-bf or hookup buddy, no dude, no matter how confident wants to approach you. There's no logic behind it--they'd all assume you're already taken and it isn't worth the effort. If you want respect, want to go on dates (which let me tell you DO exist) and want to meet an attractive young lad, don't go out with your 5 "bffs" acting like you're holier than thou with your cell phone tied to your wrist. Just be cool and approachabile and you'll meet quality men in classes or at the library or wherever else. Trust me, the real world is tipped in men's favor in the dating scene--you still have the edge at Cornell--capitalize on it before it's too late.
As a junior male here at
As a junior male here at Cornell, all I can say is amen.