When I was in Lebanon this past winter break, I became a master of the Missed Call technique. I had previously been exposed to this technique during the summer, but it was not until this winter, when I had my own cell phone (thanks Papa) that I became a self-proclaimed “Missed Call Connoisseur.” So what exactly is this skill that is essential for all denizens between the ages of 15 and 40? The best way for me to explain is to give you an example:

U.S. of A:

Jodie calls Ben: “Ben, I’ll be at your place in 15. I’ll call you when I get there.”

15 minutes later…

Jodie calls Ben again: “Ben, I’m downstairs. Come down.”

And now for Lebanon:

Hisham sends Rita an SMS (aka text message): “Na7na tarkeen b3d 15 mins. B3milik MC. Mw.”

Translation: “We’re leaving in 45 minutes. I’ll Missed Call you when we’re there. xoxo.”

(Note: Lebanese are always late to everything, so in translating the words, I figured I’d convert the time as well. A general rule of thumb is to add at least 30 minutes to any time they say.)

45 minutes later…

Hisham calls Rita’s mobile, letting it ring twice then hangs up. A Missed Call has just taken place. Rita grabs her jacket and meets him downstairs.

Hopefully, this example has helped to illustrate the Missed Call technique, which by definition is calling someone, letting the phone ring once or twice, and then hanging up. What it essentially is, is replacing actual phone conversations with Missed Calls (MCs), the ultimate point being to save the caller “Units.” Most cell phones in Lebanon work on a Unit system where you buy Units for your phone as necessary, referred to as “charging” the phone. So, for example, a two-minute phone conversation will take up three units, and a text message will take up one unit. An MC, on the other hand, is free.

WARNING: It is essential that people not between the ages of 15 and 40 never attempt to MC. Take my mother’s situation. A Lebanese chauffeur who was coming to pick her up told her he would MC when he was downstairs. Instead, when he MCed he meant to ask her how many people were coming in the car. Obviously, there is no way to transmit such a message through an MC. Had he been several decades younger, he would have known that MCs are merely used as ways to say hello to a friend (you MC them, they MC you back) or in such instances as shown in the previous example.

So are the Lebanese inherently cheap, and not willing to waste a couple of cents — or in this case a couple hundred lira — on a short call? Many things can be said about the Lebanese, but that they are cheap is certainly not one of them.

While in the U.S. we have T-Mobile, Verizon, AT&T, Sprint and God knows how many other cell phones carriers, in Lebanon, there are only two. For anyone who has taken Econ 101, you’ll know that this is a duopoly, which implies that high prices will be charged to consumers.

The short version of the story is that the two companies, Alfa and MTC Touch, are owned by government officials, meaning huge profits go into politicians’ pockets. If I were to take the time now to describe the complicated details and underhanded dealings of the process, you’d probably ditch this column and head over to the comics, so I’m going to forgo it. But the underlying point is that politicians control the two companies and charge ridiculously high prices to consumers (much higher than in the U.S. or any of the other Middle Eastern nations). For Lebanon, a third world nation with a particularly weak and unstable economy, you can see the problem. But with only two companies to choose from, citizens are left with little choice.

Now that I’m back in the U.S., the MCing hasn’t stopped. I MC my friends in Lebanon daily. Unfortunately for them, I have T-Mobile (yes, I’m one of those people whose parents wouldn’t switch them to Verizon because of the family plan, and thus I only get service on the Arts Quad) so their MCs often result in reaching my voicemail, which costs them Units and doesn’t let me know that they’ve called.

Take the following voicemail I received when one of my friends tried to MC me:

“Pause … Nora… pause … I’m going to kill you … pause … Alright???”

This is a serious problem. Not because I’m worried that my friend will kill me, but because my lack of service and my voicemail are going to ostracize me from Lebanese society and I will inevitably become a hermit with no friends.

In December of 2007, the Lebanese government announced a plan to privatize the cell phone companies through an open auction, originally scheduled for later this month. Such interested companies were the Emirati “Etisalat” and the Quatari “Qtel.” As a president is needed to authorize the auction, and since parliament has failed to elect a new president since Emile Lahoud stepped down in November of last year, the auction has been postponed until early summer. The money earned from the auction, projected at $7 billion, will go toward eliminating Lebanon’s $41 billion debt. The debt has been a strain on the depressed Lebanese economy since the 15-year civil war ended in 1990.

So, does the auction mean cheaper prices for consumers? Difficult to say, especially as it will still be a duopoly. If prices go up, will people part with their mobiles? Very unlikely, though they may use them less. Even if prices are cheaper, will the MCing stop? Akeed la2! = Absolutely not.