Contrary to popular belief and conventional wisdom, I do not spend all of my time in Olin library working on some ungodly long senior thesis. Rather, on the occasional evening, like all of you, I have actually gone to social events.

Now, we’ve all (come on, at least once) been to the overpriced bars, the typical fraternity parties with the Beast and the soon to be broken up house party in Collegetown. I can’t tell you anything about those that you don’t already know. What I can tell you is that there are some alternative parties that there you should at least check out before you graduate. Seniors, you’re running out of time. Please remember, this is told from the perspective of a clueless white prep from New York City. And it’s a simple fact that parties at Cornell tend to be segregated along social and cultural lines. This is a broad, general overview. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

First, grad student parties. A good number of my close friends and even my parents have accused me of acting like a grad student due to the inordinate amount of time I spend in the fourth floor government reading room. So, thinking I’d fit in decently well, I decided to check out a grad student party. Let me tell you, they are really, really strange. Recall the most boring house party you have been to and incorporate an intellectual discussion on the merits of the GATT (what??!!) and you have your typical grad student party. This can be an extremely sobering experience for those considering going on to even higher learning like, for example, myself.

Second, Latin parties. They have by far the most and best alcohol. My sources have also told me that I have never even been to a real “Latin party,” only a “gathering,” so I should probably get on that myself. If you do not speak Spanish, it can be a slightly unnerving experience having no idea what the person next to you is saying. Remember, they are probably not talking about you ... then again, who knows? Also, they ACTUALLY have piñatas — filled with goodies like candy and contraception — at birthday parties. Totally awesome.

Third, Asian parties. Throw the nerdy, Asian, engineering stereotype out the window. In the words of one of my good friends, they know how to get down. Though hard to find, if you hear about one (usually in 312 or at The Nines), jump all over it. And, if you can locate Asian party-socialite Gerald Yeung ’08 (yeah, he’s kind of a rockstar), I’m sure he’ll be happy to lead you to one on any given night. There will be drinking, dancing and screaming. You can take part and are guaranteed to have a great time. One problem is that they have a tendency to get broken up — due mostly to the loud music and only partially to the loud screaming. However, I find that this has become the norm for Collegetown parties rather than the exception — shame on the police for ruining our fun.

Fourth, black parties. I have been to several, both in rented fraternities and in private houses. I have to say that I have had an absolutely fantastic time at each. Remarkably, there is little alcohol at these events. Rather, it’s kind of good ol’ fashion sober dancing and having an actually enjoyable time. I also have gotten to witness the amazing spectacle that is “strolling.” Strolling involves a group of people forming a kind of train in the middle of the party and doing a perfectly synced sort of stomp routine. It’s visually astounding. Yeah, that’s a terrible description of what strolling is —which is why I encourage you to see it for yourself. Bryan Dennis ’08 throws sick ones on North at his apartment. Now I’m about as “white” as you can get, like 8 ½” x 11” white. I stick out like a sore thumb at these. And, when it comes to dancing, I’m closer to a drunk Britney Spears than I am to a post-’NSYNC Justin Timberlake. Thus proving anyone can have as good time at these.

Fifth, and finally, Cornell Daily Sun parties. Sure, they are rare. However, when they do happen, they are the toast of the town. When you put the likes of Billy McMorris ’08, Johnny Lieberman ’08, David Wittenberg ’09, Rob Fishman ’08, Olivia Oran ’08 and — dare I say — the Red Hot Jenna B. (whose mom I had the good fortune of meeting this weekend) in the same room along with bottles of alcohol … well, let’s just say that things can get a little rowdy. Most of the discussions center on the newspaper but I think they are probably fun for outsiders too.

The moral of my story, if it has one, is that it can be an interesting experience to go places where you might feel like the outsider. During my time at Cornell, I’ve usually had a good time at most of these events and was welcomed with open arms. In true “It Matters Not” form, I encourage all of you faithful readers to attend. But enough of social events that happen once in a blue moon — I have to go back to Olin.

Gregory Wolfe is a senior in the College of Arts and Sciences. He can be contacted at gwolfe@cornellsun.com. It Matters Not, But... appears alternate Tuesdays this semester.