"Special" Office Hours and Manscaping
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You Should Lose Five Pounds
September 25, 2008 - 11:00pm
Dear A,
Is it gay for guys to trim? The whole deal — pubes, chest hair, even pits?
Thanks,
“No Homo”
Dear Total Homo,
Just kidding. Man-scaping, though a little bit gay (mainly because of the name), is within the appropriate realm of heterosexual grooming. It doesn’t mean shaving your legs or waxing your chest (although it can). Instead, a good trim will tidy things up and help improve your hygiene. Less pit hair means less pit sweat. Less chest hair means more definition. Less downstairs is the difference between bushes in a sketchy public park and hedges in a nicely manicured lawn. Your happy trail is likely to be even happier with less mess.
Those are all upgrades. So within reason, grab an electric shaver or even a pair of scissors and get to work! It is gay for men to have sex with men — not to take care of their appearance.
— A
Dear A,
One of my courses this semester has gotten very interesting. And it isn’t because of the stimulating subject matter or carefully selected reading materials. My teaching assistant is clearly interested, and I am too. If the option presents itself, how do I determine whether having extracurricular relations is the right move?
Yours,
“Office Hours”
Dear OH,
Nothing says “college scandal” quite like boning the University equivalent of “the help.” And nothing says successful extortion like photographic evidence and an A+ in the course.
But you might not want to get your professor fired or your TA deported. And you might not want to feel like a grade-grubbing skank.
Depending on the moral thrust for your inquiry, “should I?” could point more towards your issues with peer approval, self-approval, the firing/deportation mentioned previously, or potential for grade recognition come December. (Or, “come whenever, Professor!”) Gross.
If the issue is approval from your peers, you might want to keep this a secret. Having an affair with a professor is taboo — it shouldn’t be socially acceptable. This might be the kind of thing you reveal in a couple of years when you’re blackout at a bar. If you don’t think you’re ready to withhold this kind of information from your friends, you’re probably not ready for the situation in the first place.
If the issue is whether you would approve of yourself, only you know that. Hooking up with your educator is illicit and inappropriate and somewhat trashy. Are those attributes you think you can identify with? (I hope so.) This experience probably isn’t about growing spiritually. It’s about doing something tasteless and trying to get away with it.
You also might be worried about the relative legality of the issue. Could your professor or TA get fired or lose professional esteem? Screw ‘em. Professors are smart enough to know what mutual consent to get raunchy could do to their career. Your job is to look out for yourself in this scenario.
That holds true unless you would like this “scenario” to be more than a “naughty for teacher” sexcapade. Are you legitimately interested in your counterpart in all of this? If so, wait until you’re done with the semester. It takes the raunchy out — bad for the aforementioned sexcapade — but good for any sort of respectful set-up oriented towards communication, companionship and all that other fuzzy stuff.
And if you really are in this for the 4.3, I salute you fully. Go earn that GPA booster! I personally think that is the hottest part. Don’t forget to sneak a photo of you two together to hold as blackmail.
If he or she tries to convince you a 4.0 would look less suspicious, have the picture on hand. You probably could’ve gotten the A without all the extra work you put in…
If you think you’re ready for this, go forth. But remember that it is a serious game with the potential to incite disaster for you, for your authority figure or for you both. Office hours are probably not the right time.
— A