Editorial
Heroes and Villains: Standardize This
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Here at H&V, we’re eagerly awaiting word on the Senate-approved $700 billion bailout plan. The House should be voting on said plan any minute now, and we sincerely hope that it gets passed. Sure, the plan isn’t all that different than it was when the House struck it down a few days ago, but all those “sweeteners” are sure to make it more appealing to reps on the fence. Can anyone say pork barrel?
The federal bailout plan had everybody talking this week. HEORIC workers in Tompkins County made their voices heard on Wednesday at a rally, where they argued that voters may be getting a raw deal from a plan pieced together in significant haste. At this point, we just feel bad for Treasury Secretary Paulson. All he wanted was complete and total power to do anything and everything to the domestic economy.
In contrast to Paulson’s VILLAINOUS efforts to use federal dollars at his unilateral discretion, the HEROIC Cornell Trustee Andrew Tisch was busy last week giving fiscal discretion to someone else. Tisch, along with his wife Ann, donated $35 million to the University to improve the Cornell faculty, but that was essentially the only string attached to the gift. And after giving it some thought, we have a way to put the money to good use: hire us. We don’t really have any specific expertise, but we’d be happy to pretend we know what we’re talking about at the front of a crowded lecture hall. Maybe no one would notice.
Cornell was fortunate to learn this week that faculty is not the only thing improving at this University. C.U. received a B+ for sustainability from the HEROIC Sustainable Endowments Institute, a lovely organization that tries to make the world a better place. Cornell is appealing the grade.
Along with apples, sustainability was the name of the game at the Ithaca Apple Harvest Festival last weekend. The VILLAINOUS rain threatened to cut the festival short, but vendors and customers HEROICALLY waited out the showers to make this year’s event a resounding success. Some of us at H&V even got our faces painted. That unicorn sketch was just too cool to pass up.
Fortunately, no one showed up with face paint to last night’s vice presidential debate between Joe Biden and Sarah Palin. Palin was coming off a simply HEROIC showing in her exclusive interview with Katie Couric, in which she showed great familiarity with the geographic location of Russia and the concept of the non sequitur. Palin must have breathed a sigh of relief when she realized that Couric would not be moderating the debate.
As we prepare to sign off here at H&V, we’d just like to say good luck to all those brave souls about to embark on the great romantic journey known as the LSAT. The LSAT can be a cruel mistress sometimes, but she has a good heart. Tell her what she wants to hear and you’ll be golden.