Sun Blogs: The TV Yogi

House 6.02: Epic Fail

“I quit…I know this will affect both of you. And 13. And the one with the nose.” And me! How long do you think that will last? (For those who missed last week’s episode, House quit.) Foreman, of course, jumped for his job before House could “clear the lobby”. “House was a egotistical, pill popping lawsuit. And a genius.” You better believe it Foreman!

But life goes on. The job still needed to get done. “I’m short. Your black. Your gay-ish,” as Taub beautifully put it. This week’s patient: A tech savy, hands-on-fire video game designer. He believed he had mercury poisoning due to eating a ton of sushi. Hooray for the internet! It’ll never replace House.

Like Forman tried to, or as he put it, he was acting as “Tom Brady’s back up.” Yeah, a backup who sat at House’s desk. It bothered me. But what what? There was a mini coup d’etat not even 10 minutes into the episode. Can I just say that I knew that whole Forman thing wasn’t going to work out?

I’m glad that House is still going to see Dr. Nolan. This is where we learn that House and Wilson are now roomies. Again. And when Dr.Nolan tried to get House to go find a hobby:

“Wilson has a one bedroom apartment. I don’t think we can get any closer without unzipping.”

“Well, what does Wilson like to do?”

Even I, who has a huge crush on Wilson, have no idea what he likes to do. It’s always been about House. Hence, why the show is called House. Also why it’s not called Foreman: Head of Diagnostics 2.0.

Did you think about the answer? Well here it is: Wilson likes to cook. And he let House tag along, providing that he wasn’t a jerk:

“Roll your meatballs and keep an open mind … How hard are you trying not to make a ball joke?”

“They’re smoking.”

“No! No! No! They’re supposed to be turning brown.”

“You gotta watch out if they turn blue … think there’s a powder for that.”

But seriously, House became an Iron Chef and “saved Wilson’s balls.” I laughed because I have the sense of humor of an eight-year-old boy. Open letter to House writers and head producer David Shore: Please have House and Wilson move to a state where they can legally be married! When House was feeding Wilson, I thought they were the cutest couple I’ve seen on TV in a long time. I can’t get enough of them together.

Line of the night:

“How like a man to assume that I enjoy slaving away over a hot stove while you bang secretaries.”

“I thought you enjoyed cooking!”

“That was before discovering The Biggest Loser Marathon on cable. I like to pretend they can see me eating.”

When Cuddy stopped by later in the episode, she interrupted Iron Chef House & his sous chef from cooking class:

“Who’s the brood?”

“Missionary.”

“If she’s a missionary, why is she dressed like a hooker?”

“I meant the position.”

But Cuddy was there on official hospital business. She thought that she was the reason he quit. Why do women always feel bad when the men we love screw themselves up? Yes, I’m speaking from experience here. Ladies, please don’t shake your fists at me — you know it’s true.

“Lady, either kiss him or leave. We have work to do.” Well played, sous chef.

In other relationship news, guess whose relationship is starting to fall apart? If your answer was “13 and Foreman” then you win — give yourself a pat on the back. She was mad that he ordered instead of asked her to dinner. Or, in other words: You got a promotion. I didn’t. I hate you. Why am I not surprised that Forman only has three friends on Facebook?

And since they were zero to two, the patient of the week called in the cavalry. After posting his symptoms in a web forum, he received responses from both doctors, and an ad: “I can cure all your symptoms with my papaya toxin cleanse. Month supply $395.” Ok, maybe not that guy.

Eventually, Thirteen got sick of Foreman and his stupid attitude and went to pay House a visit. He knew she came to vent about Foreman but she denied it: “I got sick, not stupid.” And they had a little pow-wow about justifying Foreman’s crankiness. Thirteen was surprised by House’s new positive-therapy outlook. “You just gave me advice to be happy … what did they do to you in there?”

But Foreman decided that he needed a pow-wow too with his resident Australian, Chase. Chase’s response? “Fire her.” But since Foreman didn’t like that response, he decided the better option was “to get drunk and talk about how girls are lame.” Do guys actually do that? Because that sounds lame.

Oh. And Taub quit. Because House quit. You get the feeling they were all really great at ‘Follow the Leader’ as a child?

As far as the patient of the week: the hospital got turned into a video game because the patient was hallucinating! Sweet. Did anyone else find it hysterical when their patient was hallucinating and all the doctors just kept walking?

Back to our new roomies: “I got a dog to pee in your toilet. You don’t know how I did it or where I peed.” Yup, House tricked Wilson. House never explains his reasoning behind why he actually did this, but I’m pretty sure he was testing his trust limits with Wilson.

But there was still a case to solve. And when Thirteen did the smart thing and looked for outside help, Foreman did the only thing he thought was right. He fired her. And yet he still wanted to be romantically involved. Did he seriously think that would go away when they went home?

And guess who emailed in the patient’s disease and solved the case, thus granting Formen his official title? None other than our very own House. It helped him sleep. Oh House, I’m sure you’ll be back at your desk, harassing Cuddy by the end of next week’s episode. I hope…

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