Sun Blogs: The TV Yogi

Gossip Girl Catch-up: Hilary Duffster, You Belong in the Dumpster

Oh, the Duffster.

Hello, chickadees. Sorry I’ve been so MIA for the past few weeks, but I haven’t been watching as much TV because I (gasp!) have actually been a student.

However, that is all about to change, in part because I need to complain—what in the world has happened to Gossip Girl?

A quick catch-up for those who haven’t been watching:

Chuck, Blair, Nate, Serena, Dan and Vanessa have all moved up in the world. IE: Vanessa and Dan are enjoying the reversal of fortune being students at NYU has brought on them. Dan is beloved by the female and male freshman student population and in the second episode of the season, kinda sorta became their king because he took down Blair via loudspeaker. Whatever, we’ll see how long that lasts. For once in his life he isn’t being his annoyingly holier-than-thou, judging-Serena self, so I forgive him. Vanessa is making films (I guess), being manipulated by Georgina whenever she’s around, dating Dan’s half-bro (we’ll get to that in a second), and, as per usual, is sticking her nose in places it doesn’t belong and as a result making snotty messes of other people’s lives. Good to know some things don’t change. Blair, however, has reverted to the brat she was in the PILOT, and can’t seem to get it through her dense head that a school as large and campus-less at NYU is the wrong place to try to institute a hierarchy. This has made her ramp up the manipulations tenfold, except now she’s just pathetic-o instead of fun, evil and conniving. The day I feel as meh about Blair Waldorf as I usually do about Vanessa Abrams is the day GG’s producers need to start rethinking their approach. (Are you listening, Josh Schwartz?) Chuck is … going about being a businessman, although the one cool move he’s made this entire season (buying out some hotel) was dropped as a storyline two episodes ago, so right now it’s like he only exists to remind us how dumb Blair is acting.

Serena has decided not to go to Brown. As someone who deferred college for a year, I totally get that. I also don’t know why the show is acting like this is new to her character, since in the first season cotillion episode, she talked about how she wanted to go teach English in Southeast Asia. Why is she not doing that now?! I get that the writers need to keep her on the show, but it’s not like she ever really interacts with the other actors anymore, and it would have been fun (and fine) to do a fake Thailand set for a bit. Maybe interesting, even. Instead, she’s working as a publicist (I think?), and running around with Carter Beizen and wearing crazy dresses that make her boobs like a freaking octagon. And Nate is essentially on a different show altogether. I think he’s supposed to be at Columbia, but we’ve never seen him there once, and when we do see him, he’s hanging out on the Lower East side with Dan, until he realizes he needs to go run to the Upper West side for a class in five minutes. Now, I am not a New Yorker, but we’re all acquainted enough with the subway system to know how long it actually takes to get from one side of the city. Whatever, it’s not like any of them ever actually go to school anyway.

Now, onto the really stupid and unnecessary story lines juice: Lily and Rufus have finally tied the knot. This almost didn’t happen, again, because of some major whining on Rufus’s part and worrying on Lily’s. They apparently can’t agree on how to: raise kids, make Serena have a life, or what kind of wedding to have. This is needlessly ridiculous to me, because obviously Rufus is loving his life as a kept man/trophy husband, and should be devoting all of his energy to being on charity committees instead of pretending that he wears the pants in their relationship. (Needlessly sexist or cruel, you say? I’m sorry, have you seen the man’s ridiculous leather chokers? I rest my case.) Anyhoo, they finally have the wedding, only to decide they can’t get married in the midst of their vows. At that moment, Georgina, who has a) decided she is in love with Dan, and b) looks like a washed out Minnie Mouse, drags Lily and Rufus’s long lost son into the mess, with the intent to cause disaster. But actually, everyone gets happy and shmoopy and works out fine and long-lost-son runs back to Boston because his contract ran out. Whatever.

Now, why, you may ask, did Georgina try to ruin everyone’s life? Well, this is the horror I have been saving for last. Hilary FREAKING Duff, she of the blonde hair, annoying-ass voice, and no talent whatsoever, is now on my beloved Gossip Girl. Playing none other than Twilight’s Kristen Stewart-goes-to-NYU. I cannot begin to relate the levels of absurd this is. The CW is notorious for making bad decisions about “celebrity” guest stars (see: every show Paris Hilton has ever guest starred on ever), but this is especially ridiculous. A) She is unbelievably bland. B: Blake Lively is a much more well known actress than her now. C) She is really annoying. D) I hate her face.

I really, really, really, hate her face. And her voice. I don’t know why she drives me so crazy, but when I figure it out I’ll let you all know.

Anyway, Hilary Duff is supposedly this famous actress who was in some movie about vampires during the French Revolution, or some shit, but now wants to be Normal Girl Who Goes To College. So then, she becomes Vanessa’s roommate, and then Dan falls for her. So now they are dating. Which brings us back to two episodes ago, which I had such high hopes for, but was let down upon: I was so excited for Georgina to come back to New York, find out that Dan was dating the Duffster, and then eat her stupid face. Does Georgina do this? No. Also, in all of Blair’s current insecurity-turned-deviancy, why hasn’t she decided that Duff sucks and tried to kill/humiliate her? UGH.

Anyway, on last Monday’s episode, G Sparks was gone (off to star in NBC’s new Mercy, which looks bad in the worst ways), the Duffster and Dan kinda got in a fight, but not really, and Vanessa and Blair both alienated everyone they remotely care about, for no reason whatsoever. IE: Some freshman parents’ weekend toast, which is ridiculous to care about because in real life NO ONE WOULD ACTUALLY GO TO SAID TOAST. But anyway, this becomes so important to Blair that she cons Chuck into making out with this dude so that he’ll let her do the toast … it really doesn’t matter except that Chuck gets really disappointed with her and blows her off for hurting him. I still don’t think this evens out their tally on who-hurt-whom-this-time, but I guess the important point is that Blair didn’t actually mean to hurt him.

So, as I said, the episode ends with Vanessa and Blair, sitting in that coffee shop together, realizing that they have managed to alienate everyone. (Also, if anyone knows the designer who made Blair’s dress at the end of this episode, please tell me.)

I know this recap has become really long, but I want to know what everyone’s thoughts on Blair’s descent into patheticness are. On one hand, it makes sense: stick any “Queen” from a tiny private high school in a huge, anonymous setting like NYU, and she’d have a rough time. I just don’t know why she ever thought a school like NYU where everyone disappears on the weekends anyway would ever submit to her usual Mean Girlness. Wasn’t the point of the second half of last season that she had outgrown the high school hierarchy anyway? I really, really wish these girls/characters would get involved in something academic/school club related. There has to be something fun for them to do. Or why doesn’t Blair get a damn internship?

Most high school shows hit a wall when they send their characters to college. I have faith that Gossip Girl will work its way through the pothole. But they need to get rid of Hilary Duff, give Jenny better “minions” to play off of (and an actual storyline), make Nate and Serena start interacting with the rest of the world as opposed to being mopey dicks about their recent exes, and get rid of Hilary Duff. Georgina Sparks, if you eat her, I will help pay for your legal bills.

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