Sun Blogs: The TV Yogi
Eastwick 1.06: Of Sad Deaths and Boob Sweats.
November 4, 2009 - 12:00am
What are boob sweats?
Rabia: Exactly what they sound like.
Recapping is not nearly as fun now that I actually know their names
Rabia accidentally watched waxing scene three times. She’s a good friend.
Chickadees, I’m sorry again you’re getting this recap so late. But you get it before the next episode airs. So, still counting it as a win. Also, I now know the names of all these weirdos, which makes recapping that much less fun. Damn you, ABC. Also, the music during this episode is really crazy and intense. Someone needs to tell the dudes in the Paley room to chill out a bit.
Anyway, the episode opens with Roxie taking over touring duties for Bunn. Apparently Eastwick is another one of those charming towns where they have festivals every damn day (I wonder if that’s in the Stars Hollow set’s contract, or something?), and this one takes place the day before Halloween. Bunn still hasn’t recovered her memories, but she’s out of the hospital, so she basically shadows Roxie the entire time, leading to a few scary standoffs with Darryl.
Roxie does … a few things, but I’m distracted throughout the episode because Roxie talks about a leather vest that caused boob sweats.
Boob sweats? What are boob sweats?
Rabia: Exactly what they sound like.
Rabia actually ended up watching the scene where Penny waxes her armpits like three times, because I made her start the episode over when I got home, and then again so I could figure out what was going on. She’s a good friend. Anyway, Penny’s British friend — the same one who may kill Roxie soon — shows up, but Penny blows him off because his information on Darryl is what got Joanna fired. Boring scene, let’s move on.
Roxie confronts Bunn about her new ability to read minds. Roxie doesn’t really care about this beyond how this concerns her, or rather, if Bunn saw whose funeral it is. Bunn’s all vague about what happened, but says it was someone who dies under the statue. So Roxie and her boob sweats run off to Darryl’s to save him. She saves him, and of course, falls on top of him, because how would it be an ABC dramedy without some wacky sexual hijinks? Roxie gets really excited (not like that!) because she reads that to mean her vision won’t come true (she saw someone dying under that statue, like, get rid of that statue already!). I’m not sure what Roxie’s reasoning is here — she never actually saw the person in the coffin, so how is she supposed to know it’s automatically Darryl? Anyway, Darryl uses this as an excuse to fire Chad/Kyle XY/my TV boyfriend, and calls him a child. Not that this isn’t accurate, but I don’t know why Roxie — who used to not trust Darryl at all and is supposed to have some keen spidey sense — doesn’t get that Darryl may just be setting Chad up.
Roxie’s outfit is crazy, by the way. So much purple!
Back at home, Roxie’s kids come and yell at her for being mean. Ok, that’s unfair: Mia comes home to yell at her mom for bad advice about that guy, and thn Kyle pissily calls Roxie out for being too busy making eyes at Darryl to standup for his jailbait self: “You banter, and you flirt (same thing, Kyle), and you flip your hair and you giggle and you wiggle your boobs at him.” Her sweaty boobs, Kyle? He storms out. I get sad.
Joanna, now jobless and in her jammies, is having one of those days I actually fantasize about: crashed on the couch, eating way too much food, watching silly television. Oh, I’m doing that right now. Never mind. Kat and Roxie come on by to listen to her moan about her life, which really just turns into Joanna venting about messing things up with Will, with turns into Kat espousing on all of Will’s good qualities in life, including his “big heart.” Did she sleep with him last week? Or just kiss him? Joanna decides to go see Will, and uses her seductive eye powers to find out why Will is apparently now over her, and finds out about Kat. This next line from Penny, “See, I told you not to trust those crazy bitches,” may have actually been fun if I hadn’t already seen it in the preview about 16 times. Joanna confronts Kat, and goes home, where she discovers that she has telekinesis and can move shit. This newfound discovery is shortlived, when that old ornery dude from Everwood who plays the priest shows up and kidnaps her and takes her to a badly constructed horror set. Ruh roh. Now, here would be where her special powers could come in handy, but even though she tries, her either “cute” ditsiness or just the showrunners trying to extend the drama make her attempts futile. What’s interesting though, is that Everwood/Preistman knows that Joanna’s a witch. What’s not interesting is his attempt to be scary. I may be biased from knowing him on Everwood, where the scariest thing he did was whine a lot: “Ephram, get away from Amy! Bright, why are you so stupid! Blaahhhh!”
Here’s where I have a problem. I know, I know, suspension of disbelief and all that, but why am I supposed to believe that the three of them go from barely knowing each other to being the best of besties? Even if the implication is that their magical powers have bonded them, why do none of them question it? (Other than Penny, thank god for Penny, although I don’t know why we had to see her wax her damn armpits on TV.)
Speaking of: Kat and Penny have a pissing contest over who is Joanna’s best friend, until Kat realizes that something is wrong. They go get Roxie, finally interweaving the two plot lines. Penny makes me laugh here, by pointing out that “[she] never saw Roxie as the braintrust in your little trifecta.” Nice one, except that I don’t think any of them have more than sawdust playing around up in there.
At the bonfire of metaphorical demons, “Burn Baby Burn” plays. Nice touch. Joanna is .. stuck in a coffin. With holes. What?! This is … absurd. I get that the show didn’t want her to die, or maybe the priest wants her to really suffer, but why cut holes so your victim can breathe, only to set them on fire? That seems like an odd place to remember Christian charity.
Roxie and Kat figure out that Joanna’s in one of the coffins. While Roxie goes to get help … somewhere, Kat tries to walk into the fire to get her.
Weird murderer man/Penny’s boy toy with the weird hair (Bun and Darryl’s son, perhaps) opens an old envelope, stares at it, puts it away while creepy music plays. Aannnnd … scene.
Back at the fire, Joanna screams a lot and Kat cries since Will won’t let her keep running after her and everything would be really dramatic if we didn’t all know that Kat controlled the weather. Although she’s dumb though she could easily forget until it’s too late. She does, but luckily she cries, and then it rains, and Joanna is surprisingly okay. She and Kat make up, Joanna saying she had time to think in the burning coffin. I … don’t see that at all. Maybe lots of pleading and begging to higher powers, perhaps. Panicking, maybe. But: How can I make up with Kat? Not on the list. Joanna decides they’re BFFL because Kat “walked through fire” for her. What? When? You mean when she screamed a lot and Will (you see, show? You see how much less fun when I know the names of characters?) carried her away? And even if she did, we all know she controls fire. Joanna, you should start being a little more stingy with who you consider your life savers.
But then sad things happen. Kyle sees Roxie and Darryl hugging, while he menacingly drinks … a keystone? A glass of water?
This is when things get really bad. My poor, dear, lovely Kyle angrily and darkly goes walking through Stars Hollow cum downtown Eastwick, when he sees Darryl’s statue challenging him. The music goes super crazy, and sounds like James Bond. But instead of saving the day, Chad — who I will now call Chad because this may be the last time I see his face on my television — starts stupidly beating up the brass statue, like, what did he think was gonna happen? So of course, it swan dives on top of him. For a moment you think he’ll be okay, but nope, it smashes down on him. He lies dead, with just one fake little line of blood on him.
The episode ends, and I go cry. Next week (ie: tonight): Chad’s parents tell the cougar to stay away from the funeral. Nobody seems very sad that he’s dead, but that might be the twinkly music of small town hijinks playing. Paley dudes, what did I tell you?!