Libra (September 22 — October 22): Lately, you've noticed that everyone is getting sick and it is making you get a headache. And sniffles. And a cough.
Scorpio (October 23 — November 21): Lately, you have lost confidence in people around you. Let the police do their job and do not take charge, please.
Sagittarius (November 22 — December 21): This week, you will find that money is a powerful thing. Except to aliens-they don't get it.
Capricorn (December 22 — January 19): This week, you will be kinder then usual. Only hug those you know though for others re looking for a sexual harassment suit.
Aquarius (January 20 — February 18): This week, you will feel the grasp of power and corruption choking you. Literally, it's a guy named Power and another named Corruption.
Pisces (February 19 — March 20): Lately, you have felt the need to eat. You will most likely continue to eat, probably three meals a day.
Aries (March 21 — April 19): This week, you will try something new. Keep an open mind, but don't let your brain fall out of your head.
Taurus (April 20 — May 20): This week, you will want to punch the person sitting next to you repeatedly. Curb your enthusiasm and sit on your hands.
Gemini (May 21 — June 20): Lately, you have been giving out poor advice. Do not send in an application to become the next advice columnist.
Cancer (June 21 — July 22): This week, you will be tired out. So tired that you would fall asleep in a mattress store if there were any around here.
Leo (July 22 — August 22): This week, you will continue to deny that fall is here. Just because you wear a bikini doesn't mean it'll effect the weather.
Virgo (August 23 — September 22): This week, you will be a rocking horse of emotion. The only way it could get worse would be if you were replaced by a bigger rocking horse.